BYJ (&QFMR): Day 39 – Have Someone Else Make a Resolution For You.

Hi everyone! 😚

I believe I’m in a better mood than the last few days and I’m ready to get back to making myself a more beautiful person – translated as “I want to be a badass!” 😎🌹💪🌻😍😁💟👗👜

Today’s BYJ task involves asking a loved one to make a resolution for me. The author suggests asking a loved one, but I’m somewhat removed from people in real life, so I thought I’d ask one of you! The author indicated that it is interesting to see your behaviors through someone else’s eyes and to attempt a c hsnge based on what they see. The author mentioned she asked her husband who only wanted her to cleanup her dish from breakfast, instead of leaving it for later. She felt it was an easy change and took care of it.

So, I ask all of you, my wonderful readers, if there is one resolution you’d like me to make, what would that be?

BYJ: Day 37 – Get Fitted

I’ve often heard that clothes that fit perfectly tend to make you feel so much better about yourself; this would explain the constant love-hate relationship we have with trying on different clothing items.  Today’s BYJ entry concerns getting fitted for a bra; the author makes the statement, “the wrong bra impacts you feel (underwires that dig into your sides are enough to make any woman crazy) and how your clothes look, which impacts your sense of confidence.” Then she explains the intended activity to get fitted for a bra, trying on different styles, ensuring a good match and then buying one.

Sometimes, I feel like I have to be honest with myself and admit that this probably wouldn’t have the effect on me that it might on other women. And it’s going to eat at me a little, and sometimes it just feels like a jagged little pill

BYJ: Day 35 – Watch the Dove Videos

The particular task for the BYJ that is requested is to watch the Dove Videos.  The reader is asked to consider that Dove videos were created to get women to think differently about Beauty and the Beauty industry. In some retrospect, it becomes readily obvious that there is a movement to get away from allowing others to determine what the standard of beauty should or should not be.

Of course, I’ve posted before what I think beauty is or is not.  I’m working on feeling more beautiful and detaching myself from what others may or may not see as beautiful.  Having issues with gender and gender identity can present a conflict with this in conceptual terms, since one desire of mine is to feel more feminine, it can easily be confused with wanting to appear “pretty” or “beautiful”.

Just me contemplating beauty and femininity…

BYJ: Day 34 – Use Twenty-Five Words

Today, in my BYJ, I’m asked to describe myself “in twenty-five words or less, without using any physical descriptors or naming any of my roles.”  This seems intriguing, and honestly, I find it almost as difficult as my last BYJ exercise.  The author gives a couple of examples and she begins each example with, “I am a woman who…”; so, I will do the same.

“I am a woman who…”

… has the power to change HER path, but living each day, one at a time, with passion.”

Interesting…I did this without thinking and something positive came out of me.  Is THAT beautiful or what?! ❤




(Note: I will be sporadic in my blogging over the next few days as I head home for my grandmother’s funeral.  I’m sure you’ll all understand my absence. I may or may not post again today, but we’ll see…kinda busy)

BYJ: Day 33 – Complete These Sentences

As I continue to write in my Beautiful You Journal, I am struggling with a few things – they’re not new, just routine. There are other things in my life that I’m dealing with too, but I rarely discuss people in my life, but I have a loved one in hospice right now. But yesterday, when I was working out a few things in my head, I had a difficult time doing this particular post. It involves me being intentionally positive and I don’t think I was having any of it, yesterday.

So, please bear with me as I force myself through this exercise. The author of the book encouraging a Beautiful You transformation, suggested completing the following sentences (my completion is below each start):

Someone who energizes me is…

…extremely positive and encouraging. There is no one particular person. I used to be influenced by a lot of positive people, but at some point I became an adult and supposedly, adults are supposed to take care of themselves emotionally. I have found that I tend to be an emotional chameleon and take on other people’s emotions. So, I need someone energetic and positive in my life.

I am taking greater interest in…

…so many things.  Honestly, in another post I made a list of things I want to do before I turn 46. Granted, some of them are easier than others, but I certainly have an interest in a lot of different things. But based upon hearing yesterday, again, that I am fat, I really want to be in shape again. I’m estimating I’m about 12 pounds less than when I started, but I still have a long ways to go.  Unfortunately for me, I have a very ambitious mind, but I lack an efficiency in action and give up, because I can’t figure out a priority to tackle all of my goals in life.

I am yearning for…

…self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-love, etc., etc.

I am proud of…

…people I never speak of online, my education, my love of hiking, having earned a 5th degree blackbelt at one time, my time as a police officer, the life I used to have.  Honestly, there are a lot of things I used to be proud of, but I feel like those things don’t matter to anyone else (Am I expressing that I seek validation from others?  Ugh…gross!)

I believe in…

…the power of love. Honestly, I can’t believe that was the first thing that popped into my head. I was going to ignore that and give a text-book answer and say “I believe in God and Science”, which is true, but it’s not the first thing that popped into my head. I went with the first thing to pop into my head.

I have to admit, that this entry, and the last entry, were really difficult for me. IT might seem trivial and silly to some, but I have to say that at one time in my life I had a lot of pride, I loved my life. I was engaged, energetic, optimistic, positive and I would even say a hot, sexy, fun person.  It disappeared someplace and now I have this fear of dealing with it all and trying to reclaim things and not getting any of it. What if I fail at being happy and content?  Going through positive and enriching activities has the effect of giving me hope when I sometimes feel like hope would remind me of what I don’t have in my life, so I have avoided anything like this for so long…

BYJ: Day 32 – Celebrate Your Birth Day

Today, I woke up and did some things for my job (I’m feeling frustrated with that at the moment…sigh), then I sat down and read the next section in the book I’ve been reading on how to make changes to be a more Beautiful You.  The author discusses how, on one birthday. she sat down and made a list of things she wants to do in the coming year.  She happened to make a list of one item per year of life. She went on to explain that she listed anything she could think of – little things, major things, things for herself, things she wanted to learn, or whatever.  She looks at this list as her reason to live for herself (Although, I think that might be my interpretation…I don’t have the book right in front of me to reference it accurately) and began doing things she never did before.

She also explains that she has never completed the list she makes each year, but she does grow from the experiences she has from these items. The author explains that her confidence grew and that she felt life was more fulfilled.  She goes on to explain that the end of the year, she reviews what she has done and relives the memories and experiences and reflects on their significance to her.

Then she instructs the readers to make their own list…

I shut the book, but it away, folded my arms across my chest and practically pouted. “I can’t do anything…” came the negative thought, almost instantly. “When am I ever going to be able to do anything I want…” was the next thought. “But I want to do something…” a slight feeling of hope had entered; only to be followed by, “Everything I want to do costs too much”. And the worst one, I think, “I’ll feel like an idiot trying anything..,”.

Then I jumped out of my seat, jumped up and down and said to myself, “Why do you do this?!?!  Why do you refuse to do anything…? What is so wrong with your desires for life?”  And then I remembered, “Because you’re afraid to be happy…”

I am… I’m afraid to be happy and I don’t know why.

The author suggests making a list for each year you have been alive – for example, if your nest birthday, you turn 103, then you should have 103 items in your list.  She says, cut the list in half, if your birthday is at least 6 months away.  If it’s less than six months away, she said to make a quarter list or a third of the list.

So, here I am, making my list…and it may seem silly, but this took some real effort. I gritted my teeth, my hands were tight, my head began to hurt, as I thought about what I might like. But I’m going to make the list for my entire next birthday (ugh…and it makes me feel kinda old).

  1. Take a yoga class
  2. Learn to dance
  3. Learn rock climbing
  4. Continue hiking 14ers in Colorado
  5. wax the hair off my body
  6. Get a tattoo (I have 4, currently)
  7. Learn to play an instrument.
  8. Start running
  9. Visit a couple of national parks
  10. Take a trip back to Europe
  11. Begin seeing a therapist again
  12. I really do want to stop drinking (I’m not getting drunk, but I’m not completely sober either.)
  13. Volunteer my time someplace…just not sure where
  14. Buy a dress
  15. Learn to paint
  16. Reconcile myself to divorce
  17. Find a better job
  18. Learn to fish
  19. I get manicures and pedicures, but I’d like to have my nails painted
  20. Confide in someone in my real life, my sexuality
  21. Take a class on nutrition
  22. Read some piece of classic literature
  23. Attend a fashion show
  24. Visit Las Vegas
  25. See the Canadian Rockies
  26. Go out on a Friday night and meet people (aaaaggghhhhh…the thought causes me anxiety)
  27. Find spirituality
  28. Make a clay sculpture
  29. Learn to draw
  30. Drink more water (I feel dehydrated today…blech)
  31. Get a massage
  32. Give a massage
  33. Make a new friend
  34. Attend a concert
  35. Climb the Manitou Incline
  36. Try writing a short story (Meg suggested I try it, but I’m self-conscious of my writing ability)
  37. Get my palm read
  38. Learn to cook something new
  39. Consider making a love-connection (In all seriousness, until I’m divorced, this won’t happen)
  40. Ask my mom to teach me to crochet (I’ve always liked the blankets she makes)
  41. Try and reconcile with my sister
  42. Learn Spanish or some other language
  43. De-clutter (Seriously, I got things I no longer need)
  44. Try on a wig
  45. Not give up on life!

Okay, there you have it, there’s my list of things I’d like to do before I turn 46…

BYJ: Day 31 – Know Your Rights

Continuing in my BJY, the author gives the link to the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. I have to admit, I found this section to be almost boring. In fact, there are a lot of paralells to the U.S. Constitution – not surprising since the U.S. had major influence in creating and forming the U.N. But I noticed one particular thing that stood out – rather, didn’t stand out.  I read every single article and there is nothing addressing human sexuality. Granted, each article addresses “all people”, “all humans”, “everyone”, etc.; but there is nothing about alternative sexualities.

All this did is make me think that my teetering yesterday, is not without cause. Maybe, some more soul searching is required…