BYJ: Day 41 – Accept Your Imperfections

Wow!

For those of you that have been following my blog for a while, you know I have been reading a book, sporadically, about working on my own beauty – it’s a book focused on transforming oneself into woman more empowered to accept her own beauty. The topic for day 41 is Accepting Your Imperfections.

And the reason I said “Wow” above, is because of the sheer irony of how much I need to pay attention to the advice on this section.  The author says, “Not one of us is perfect, and yet we often worry that if we don’t keep the illusion of our own perfection, someone might discover our horrifying secret – that everything we do isn’t brilliant.”  I don’t think there is a statement that describes my struggle more accurately and after reading this, it made me realize how much I have depended on others’ acceptance of me – or actually, their praise of me.

Obviously, this is something I have been working on and I’m still struggling with it. And today, as a bout of depressive feelings come on (I might write more about this later), I’m glad I read it. I needed to see it. I needed to see that it is okay to not meet the standards I think others have for me. Or better yet, even if people do have those standards that they feel I need to meet, it is entirely up to me if I even want to bother. Sometimes, it is easy to lose sight of the big picture, so to speak.

Today, I’m going to focus on this author’s final sentence on this topic:

“And by embracing who you are – strengths and challenges entwined – you begin to celebrate the beauty within you.”

BYJ: Day 40 – Go to Bed Earlier

I haven’t read my Beautiful You Journal in quite some time (in fact, I haven’t been here in almost 2 weeks…wow!), but today I cracked it open and the reading for day 40 is about getting more sleep.  Specifically, the author strongly encourages us to find out what time we need to be awake in the morning to begin our day and then to go to bed exactly 8 hours earlier.

If I look at it and I’m honest about it, some of you might be extremely shocked (then again, maybe it won’t surprise you in the least), but I can’t remember the last time I slept for eight hours straight.  If I had to guess, it was probably over 20 years ago.  I tend to be so busy doing things, that I allow my sleep to suffer from it.  I’m no medical expert, but I’m sure this has had a tremendous impact on my health and mental well being.  I tend to be a very focused and committed person, when I have a goal, to the point that I remember my last semester of college, I was lucky to get a few hours of sleep at a time.  Back then, I had a full time job, attended classes full time and worked two part time jobs. This was in addition to being a husband and father at the time.  Unfortunately for me, I continued that kind of behavior into my professional career. And I can look back on it all now and feel like it was not worth the sacrifice.

I look at this behavior and can’t help but wonder how my lack of proper sleep had a major part to due with my depression and anxiety, as well. I know I have made some changes to improve this and I am now up to averaging 6 hours of sleep per night. I’ve even set my Fitbit to monitor this. I have one drawback, however, and it has to due with my anxiety. I can’t fall asleep unless I am utterly exhausted and my eyelids are ready to fall off my face from being so heavy.  I’m also trying to change my diet to make sure I’m eating foods that are more conducive to healthy living.

Either way, I am working towards the goal of sleeping for eight hours of sleep per night.

BYJ (&QFMR): Day 39 – Have Someone Else Make a Resolution For You.

Hi everyone! 😚

I believe I’m in a better mood than the last few days and I’m ready to get back to making myself a more beautiful person – translated as “I want to be a badass!” 😎🌹💪🌻😍😁💟👗👜

Today’s BYJ task involves asking a loved one to make a resolution for me. The author suggests asking a loved one, but I’m somewhat removed from people in real life, so I thought I’d ask one of you! The author indicated that it is interesting to see your behaviors through someone else’s eyes and to attempt a c hsnge based on what they see. The author mentioned she asked her husband who only wanted her to cleanup her dish from breakfast, instead of leaving it for later. She felt it was an easy change and took care of it.

So, I ask all of you, my wonderful readers, if there is one resolution you’d like me to make, what would that be?

BYJ: Day 37 – Get Fitted

I’ve often heard that clothes that fit perfectly tend to make you feel so much better about yourself; this would explain the constant love-hate relationship we have with trying on different clothing items.  Today’s BYJ entry concerns getting fitted for a bra; the author makes the statement, “the wrong bra impacts you feel (underwires that dig into your sides are enough to make any woman crazy) and how your clothes look, which impacts your sense of confidence.” Then she explains the intended activity to get fitted for a bra, trying on different styles, ensuring a good match and then buying one.

Sometimes, I feel like I have to be honest with myself and admit that this probably wouldn’t have the effect on me that it might on other women. And it’s going to eat at me a little, and sometimes it just feels like a jagged little pill

BYJ: Day 35 – Watch the Dove Videos

The particular task for the BYJ that is requested is to watch the Dove Videos.  The reader is asked to consider that Dove videos were created to get women to think differently about Beauty and the Beauty industry. In some retrospect, it becomes readily obvious that there is a movement to get away from allowing others to determine what the standard of beauty should or should not be.

Of course, I’ve posted before what I think beauty is or is not.  I’m working on feeling more beautiful and detaching myself from what others may or may not see as beautiful.  Having issues with gender and gender identity can present a conflict with this in conceptual terms, since one desire of mine is to feel more feminine, it can easily be confused with wanting to appear “pretty” or “beautiful”.

Just me contemplating beauty and femininity…

BYJ: Day 34 – Use Twenty-Five Words

Today, in my BYJ, I’m asked to describe myself “in twenty-five words or less, without using any physical descriptors or naming any of my roles.”  This seems intriguing, and honestly, I find it almost as difficult as my last BYJ exercise.  The author gives a couple of examples and she begins each example with, “I am a woman who…”; so, I will do the same.

“I am a woman who…”

… has the power to change HER path, but living each day, one at a time, with passion.”

Interesting…I did this without thinking and something positive came out of me.  Is THAT beautiful or what?! ❤

 

 

 

(Note: I will be sporadic in my blogging over the next few days as I head home for my grandmother’s funeral.  I’m sure you’ll all understand my absence. I may or may not post again today, but we’ll see…kinda busy)

BYJ: Day 33 – Complete These Sentences

As I continue to write in my Beautiful You Journal, I am struggling with a few things – they’re not new, just routine. There are other things in my life that I’m dealing with too, but I rarely discuss people in my life, but I have a loved one in hospice right now. But yesterday, when I was working out a few things in my head, I had a difficult time doing this particular post. It involves me being intentionally positive and I don’t think I was having any of it, yesterday.

So, please bear with me as I force myself through this exercise. The author of the book encouraging a Beautiful You transformation, suggested completing the following sentences (my completion is below each start):

Someone who energizes me is…

…extremely positive and encouraging. There is no one particular person. I used to be influenced by a lot of positive people, but at some point I became an adult and supposedly, adults are supposed to take care of themselves emotionally. I have found that I tend to be an emotional chameleon and take on other people’s emotions. So, I need someone energetic and positive in my life.

I am taking greater interest in…

…so many things.  Honestly, in another post I made a list of things I want to do before I turn 46. Granted, some of them are easier than others, but I certainly have an interest in a lot of different things. But based upon hearing yesterday, again, that I am fat, I really want to be in shape again. I’m estimating I’m about 12 pounds less than when I started, but I still have a long ways to go.  Unfortunately for me, I have a very ambitious mind, but I lack an efficiency in action and give up, because I can’t figure out a priority to tackle all of my goals in life.

I am yearning for…

…self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-love, etc., etc.

I am proud of…

…people I never speak of online, my education, my love of hiking, having earned a 5th degree blackbelt at one time, my time as a police officer, the life I used to have.  Honestly, there are a lot of things I used to be proud of, but I feel like those things don’t matter to anyone else (Am I expressing that I seek validation from others?  Ugh…gross!)

I believe in…

…the power of love. Honestly, I can’t believe that was the first thing that popped into my head. I was going to ignore that and give a text-book answer and say “I believe in God and Science”, which is true, but it’s not the first thing that popped into my head. I went with the first thing to pop into my head.

I have to admit, that this entry, and the last entry, were really difficult for me. IT might seem trivial and silly to some, but I have to say that at one time in my life I had a lot of pride, I loved my life. I was engaged, energetic, optimistic, positive and I would even say a hot, sexy, fun person.  It disappeared someplace and now I have this fear of dealing with it all and trying to reclaim things and not getting any of it. What if I fail at being happy and content?  Going through positive and enriching activities has the effect of giving me hope when I sometimes feel like hope would remind me of what I don’t have in my life, so I have avoided anything like this for so long…