I have a job that I don’t particularly care about. I find it incredibly boring, at a place that is incredibly inefficient, and I don’t really fit in. Granted, I could take the proactive approach and take on tasks and challenges to make the place better, but the reality is that it is in a place I don’t want to be and my family doesn’t want me to be here either. One would think I could just quit and find something more appropriate to what I want, especially, because I had spent the past year being laid off and looking for work.
I admit, I was attracted to the pay this employer is giving me, the benefits offered are great, and they are willing to pay for my relocation. If I pushed the matter, I could even orchestrate a divorce out of the situation. But it plays into the ultimate problem I have, and that’s not knowing what makes me happy. I know I don’t want this job, but I have student loans coming due and those loans have a payment that are equivalent to a mortgage payment. Plus, with my last job, I got my family and the people around me used to a good lifestyle and I’m not so sure any of the people in my household are prepared to actually step-up and do something about it. They claim to want me home, they claim to want to help – but I have never known one of them to actually work and remain committed to a job. I feel trapped, ultimately, and that is the problem.
I wake up, each morning dreading my reality. I dread the fact that I had to find a new job, in the first place. I don’t know how to adjust to something new’ although, I’m still applying for jobs that are near my hometown, I’m not getting phone calls for interviews. And that brings up another challenge, altogether: How do I interview for a new job when I am at a new job? It’s horrible business etiquette, but I feel like I have made a mistake. A mistake that was needed at the time, since I faced the reality of being broke and on the verge of losing everything I had spent my life working towards.
But I am not happy, and I don’t know how to make things work that makes me happy, or the people in my family happy. I feel pressured by some family members to keep this job, I feel pressured by others to quit and come back home. I feel pressured to be responsible and work and be thankful for what is given to me, and yet I feel like I’m sick of trying because I never get what I want out of life.
I’m totally discontent.