I think I want to feel love…

As some of you know, I am separated.  And I had considered finding a boyfriend at one point, but I quickly became unimpressed with the online experience. Although, I had considered it, I’m also trying to change myself and feel like I just don’t have the ability to be in any committed relationship right now.  But I’m also fully aware how alone I feel right now.

There are days, I just want someone to…

wrap their arms around me,

tell me my worries are not silly,

explain to me that I’m not a weirdo-freak,

give me compliments, reassure me,

offer my some semblance of peace,

desire me,

want to be close to me,

appreciate my love,

touch me,

make love to me…

…or whatever.

I think an episode is back…

Although, my depressive episodes don’t feel or seem to be as severe as they once were, they still come. Today I’m feeling a continuation of yesterday, except I have gone to the doctor’s office like planned. And I received some encouraging news from my doctor, but I’m not feeling excited about it in the least. I have lost weight, my HbA1c has dropped 1.3% (That is a MAJOR accomplishment, trust me!), and the doctor is pleased with some of the positive changes I have made in my life.

But I’m not excited…  And I’m a little burned out being so concentrated on my health lately.

I’m feeling blah…

So, blah, I don’t even know how to explain it.

I’m feeling so blah, I don’t want to write everything I’m feeling, for fear it’ll create a focus on my negativity at the moment.

I think, today, I’ll just try to get through…


BYJ: Day 37 – Get Fitted

I’ve often heard that clothes that fit perfectly tend to make you feel so much better about yourself; this would explain the constant love-hate relationship we have with trying on different clothing items.  Today’s BYJ entry concerns getting fitted for a bra; the author makes the statement, “the wrong bra impacts you feel (underwires that dig into your sides are enough to make any woman crazy) and how your clothes look, which impacts your sense of confidence.” Then she explains the intended activity to get fitted for a bra, trying on different styles, ensuring a good match and then buying one.

Sometimes, I feel like I have to be honest with myself and admit that this probably wouldn’t have the effect on me that it might on other women. And it’s going to eat at me a little, and sometimes it just feels like a jagged little pill