QFMR: Be a Slut to Find the Ideal Man?

So, I have a blogging friend that wrote a post today, somewhat as a response to my post about being a prude.  He proposes that I might be “cock-blocking” myself in finding some love from a guy. And on some level, I think he has a strong argument.  But at the same time, I feel like I’m in the process of finding myself a little bit and I’m doing it in a way I feel comfortable, but I can’t help but look at this issue from both sides of the coin – heads: engage in casual sex in search of true love or tails: hold out, make a man work for it!


As a bisexual man, I kinda get how aggressive male sexuality can be – especially in hormonal teenaged males. I recognize that for a lot of guys there is an end game and if they don’t believe they are going to get any sex out of a relationship, then they will move on and not bother. There is sort of a push and pull mentality (not to use an innuendo) that guys use in leveraging a sexual escapade – to the point that some will literally lie about love just to get the sex they desire.

But in some way, I think there is this idea that it is expected that in order to find a boyfriend, one must engage in some casual sex until that perfect boyfriend is found. For me, I’m not afraid of having sex with a guy (oh my gosh, really?!?! Just read my blog, I have enjoyed it), so maybe there is some benefit to having enjoyable sex to find a suitable partner for a long term relationship. I mean, I do enjoy sex, so maybe I should be more open to a few casual romps…


The other side of the argument, however, is that there needs to be some sort of control mechanism. I’ve often, said before, that I fall in love with someone easily. Knowing this about myself, I feel like I need to set some boundaries and I feel like I have to set them immediately, so there is no confusion. In my linked post above, that was one thing I was trying to stress. For me, I think it is readily obvious that if I’m seeking a relationship with someone that sex, passion and all of the stuff are on the table as parts of that relationship. I guess, in some ways, I know I want that. I want that close connection, that physical affection and the act of sharing myself with someone is certainly fun, if you ask me. But I also know I’ve done that, before, and having sex is the easy part – maybe not always the best part, but certainly the easiest part – of a relationship. So, I’ve had casual sex with guys before, but the one thing I have never had with a guy is a meaningful relationship. It’s definitely something I’m interested in exploring, so I am not sure I just want to hand myself over to every Tom, Dick and Harry around.

So, let me ask you, my wonderful readers:


What’s the best way to go about finding the man of my dreams?

Should I be offering myself up to any guy I’m interested in – ya know, to make sure there is compatibility; or, should I maintain boundaries and make the guy work for my sweet ass? 😉


QFMR: How would you go about it?

So, I’ve been contemplating for a while, how to go about making some friends, meeting new people and possibly dating.  And I think I’m ready to experience that a little, as soon as work frees me up.  I’ve had people suggest dating websites, Craigslist (But that would be out of desperation…icky), and going to bars.  I’ve had someone suggest “hanging out with the girls” too.

Truthfully, this sounds wonderful and I know a lot of you have given me ideas before, but now I think I’m really at that point where I am more than a little curious.  I don’t want to get into anything serious, but I’m thinking coffee dates, or a date involving a meal or even, actually, going out with the girls – except I don’t have those either.

Granted, it might mean coming out in the open, so I may not actually venture that far, but I’m thinking that might be time to do, as well.

So, I have two Questions For My Readers:


1.) How do I meet guys?

2.) How do I find a set of good girlfriends to hang out with?

BYJ (&QFMR): Day 39 – Have Someone Else Make a Resolution For You.

Hi everyone! 😚

I believe I’m in a better mood than the last few days and I’m ready to get back to making myself a more beautiful person – translated as “I want to be a badass!” 😎🌹💪🌻😍😁💟👗👜

Today’s BYJ task involves asking a loved one to make a resolution for me. The author suggests asking a loved one, but I’m somewhat removed from people in real life, so I thought I’d ask one of you! The author indicated that it is interesting to see your behaviors through someone else’s eyes and to attempt a c hsnge based on what they see. The author mentioned she asked her husband who only wanted her to cleanup her dish from breakfast, instead of leaving it for later. She felt it was an easy change and took care of it.

So, I ask all of you, my wonderful readers, if there is one resolution you’d like me to make, what would that be?

QFMR: Why do some people have Faith and some people do not?

I follow a couple of bloggers that are wonderful people – although, I don’t know them personally, I really enjoy the things they post. These women, I follow, discuss their faith and are unashamed to show their faith when writing. Certainly, they have struggles, but the joy they have when dealing with these struggles is amazing.  I told one of them today, in fact, that I am amazed by her faith.

I don’t have that faith. I lost it (R.E.M. is now playing in the recesses of my mind). I felt like I had it at one time, but I lost it. I can’t find it. The essence of this blog is horribly stricken with an obvious need for a Higher Power, but I can’t do it…I don’t understand myself, let alone faith.

But tonight, I’m questioning – I’m not tortured like I have been, before, but I am deeply in need of this answer:


Why do some people have faith and some do not?

Where does faith come from?

QFMR: How do you compare yourself to other women (or guys)?

So, I posted, today, about women comparing themselves to other women.  Us women (is it okay that I throw myself into the mix?) do this a lot, I’m afraid. And after seeing a follower’s comment it made me wonder all the different ways we might compare ourselves to other women.

Some of things I compare are:

  • shape of lips
  • bone structure (I really don’t like mine and it’s tough for me)
  • shoes she’s wearing
  • hell, who am I kidding…I look at her entire outfit!
  • my booty (& boobs too)
  • her hair style

Granted, these are probably only a few of the major ones. but it made me think:


Question For My Readers:

In what ways do you ladies compare yourself to other women?

(Guys can answer for themselves, but this was due to my earlier post)

QFMR: What advice would you give me on being in limbo?

It’s not easy for me to ask for advice. I constantly feel like I’m after attention, but I want to change my life.  I can’t seem to find the answers within myself, and after I have calmed down and found a way to regain some slight balance, I am now at the point where I begin to question everything again.  So, I’m reaching out and asking for advice. There are many of you that have been following me for quite some time and there are a few that are new-comers, but I want some of you to be totally and brutally honest with me and I’ll ask, because I can’t come up with the answer:


What direction do you think my life should go?