…depression, anxiety and all that other bullshit just completely fucking sucks!
I’m sick of it. I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself. I’m sick of wallowing in self-pity. I’m sick of trying to understand shit I just don’t fucking understand. I’m sick of pushing myself into a mold I just don’t fucking understand. I’m sick of trying to get some people to pay attention to me, when they just fucking won’t. I’m sick of this whiney ass be-yotch I have become. I want to exude some fucking positivity for a fucking change. I fucking deserve that fucking shit!
Seriously, I’m fucking sick of it all and I’m tired of burrowing into a hole to protect myself from gawd-fucking-knows-what. I push myself to strive for some fucking high standard of what I think is an ideal and maybe I just can’t fucking do it and that’s fucking okay! Fuck…and I’m tired of pretending I don’t have a dirt fucking mouth, because it spews potty left and right. For crying out loud, I’m an ex-cop, work in the oil & gas industry and I curse like a fucking drunken sailor.
And none of the two paragraphs I just wrote actually constitute any fucking grammatical sense and I actually give a fuck and I don’t give a fuck at the same fucking time. Fuck it! I can do whatever the fuck I want, as long as I’m willing to face the fucking consequences, right? Give me a “fuck yeah”, please (I’m still fucking polite, gawd-damnit!)
And I’ve decided something else. I’m a fucking confused fucking mess and I’m fucking okay with it, okay? I don’t give a fuck anymore, because I know I don’t hurt anyone. I fucking stick to myself. But I fucking like sex and I like it a fucking like it a lot. I’m tired of being fucking embarrassed over the fucking things I’ve done. Was everything copa-fucking-cetic? Fuck no! Fuck it, can’t fucking change the fucking past, right? I’m almost 4-fucking-5 years old and I don’t need to justify fuck anymore.
And you know what else? As a scientist, I still fucking believe in God…so…neener fucking neener! Lick my fucking balls, if you don’t fucking like it (Wow…did the machismo in me finally show up?) Am I fucking perfect? Fuck no! But who the fuck is? Fuck the pretentious, I’m fucking real, I’m fucking raw, and I’m fucking honest. I’m fucking done forcing myself to be anything…I just fucking am who I fucking am. And I might go to fucking Church and I might become some sort of fucking religious zealot some day, but I don’t need to please anyone. I’m going to be a new fucking person and I’m not giving up on shit.
And you know what else ? I’m not a fucking woman, regardless of how feminine I feel at times. But I like my dick and I’m too fucking masculine looking to ever actually BE female. Am I going to stop embracing “Stephanie”? Probably the fuck not, but I’m not going to be this person that fucking worries about it anymore. I’m fucking pragmatic and I recognize I was born with a penis and I intend to die with a penis – wearing a fucking skirt or not! And fuck you, if you don’t like it!
And guess what else? I’m not a fucking example of fitness. I used to be and maybe I’ll fucking do it again, but right now I am who I fucking am. Am I overweight? Fuck yeah I am, but I like my fucking Starbuck’s, okay? And I like beer, so there! Although I haven’t had one, since like fucking two fucking weeks ago, but I fucking like beer (and wine, when I feel like Stephanie). I also like working out, but I don’t have any fucking time right now. I’m not fucking perfect and may I could eat a fucking salad from time to fucking time, but I’ll fucking do it on my fucking terms. I’ll get to my goal when I get there and I’m not going to keep beating myself the fuck up over it. I was a sexy bitch once, I’ll be a sexy bitch again!
My life is not without stress. I tackle things with fucking gusto and I don’t fucking give up. It’s not my fucking nature to give the fuck up. I’m a fucking champion and I think like a fucking champion and I will not let the parasite of fucking negativity fucking win. Life is fucking busy, but I’m grabbing this bitch by the horns and I’m gonna ride it and own it like a fucking bad ass bitch! And while I’m doing it, I’m gonna slap life in the ass and fucking scream, “How ya like me now, bitch?!?!”
This is my fucking life, I own this mother fucker!
Okay, time to go back to being sweet little ol’ me, but with a better outlook on life…
(Note: All images are Bing Image Searches)