I received one of the sweetest compliments today. My friend Meg (check her out at Meghan Tregellis, Author) mentioned it in a comment to me. She has offered, previously, to critique some writing for me, if I ever decided to do something….um…novel (please pardon the pun). I have toyed with the idea quite a bit, actually, but I am a horrible critic of my own being – I can only imagine the monster I would be towards my own writing.
Actually, I think I might have mentioned, before, that I am very self-conscious about my writing. In fact, I am quite sure I have mentioned it, but I’m not sure if I mentioned it on this blog or my last and I am too lazy today to bother researching to find out if I did and link the post that I mentioned it. When I was a junior in college I took a writing class that the professor commented to me that I wrote at a 9th grade level. Of course, I was insulted, and at the time I didn’t like writing anyways – in fact, I hated writing all throughout school. I despised it…it felt icky to me. I never considered writing anything that mattered. In fact, during my college years, I wrote a poem to a girl after we had our first kiss – it was titled “Our Kiss”. And since she decided to run off with someone else, it made me despise poetry too. I truly, hated writing. But something about that professor saying that made me want to at least improve myself to a level of acceptability. Granted, since I went to an engineering school, most of the writing required was boring and drab, so it was (probably) easier to meet the standards required to do that, than to write anything that would draw people in to read. (And as I proofread this last paragraph, I can easily see the thoughts are not singular – i.e. should be more than one paragraph).
But to draw people in to read, you have to connect to them, personally. You have to draw on their emotions, somehow, I suppose. I’ve never considered myself capable of doing that. I never felt like I could extract the kinds of emotions from myself that would make people interested in me, so how could I possibly do it in the written word? It was a conundrum for me to even consider. So, I felt I couldn’t write.
And then there is the idea of creativity. I enjoy using my imagination, but never felt like my imagination was original. I liked science fiction and fantasy, because those were the kinds of stories that were highly imaginative. But there is imagination involve, I believe, in telling a historical fiction, but that would involve the kind of research that I’m not sure I have the time nor energy to do. Truthfully, it brings me back to feeling drab about my own ability to be descriptive in my writing. I question if I would embellish things too much. I ponder not having the correct words to use to connect people to the imaginative scenario – I mean, we’re all unique, so how would anyone be able to understand my thoughts?
But, you know what I have decided?
I am NOT the best judge of myself. Really, I am not. I can’t even tell if I feel right having male gonads, so how could I possibly be able to assess my own ability to connect to people through writing. I’m a conflicted and confused person that does a GREAT job hiding him(her)self from the world in plain view.
I guess, without too much more rambling, I should say that I feel better about my writing. As many of you have witnessed, I have spent the past few years whipping out a multitude of poems in expression of my own feelings, I have spent the past few years detailing my own struggles in life, and I write in complete (for the most part) sentences and somewhat coherent thoughts. I have even taken graduate level classes that have required writing and the professors have given me high scores on my papers, so maybe I am more capable than I credit myself. Maybe Meg is correct on this matter. Maybe it is time for me to explore this aspect of myself a little more.
So, for entertainment purposes, only, here are some of the things I have considered writing about:
- A book on the exploration of God versus Science – Yes, the age old question of this topic seems to be overdone, but as a fan of science and a person who questions God, what if I had something more to offer to the discussion?
- A novel with a fantasy with kings, queens, elves, druids, etc. – This shows my true inner nerd.
- A romance novel about a bisexual man looking for love – ya know, loosely based on my own life, but much more interesting 😛
- A horror novel about a twisted spirit causing people to go against their own nature and committing heinous acts – what? I do have a dark side?
I’m not really sure about most of these ideas, but I ponder actually starting something, but never really get around to it.
Anyways, I am just rambling and I appreciate you for following along, but I wanted to share the compliment I received today and I am tucking this away into my Appreciation Jar.