“Your life is not your own…”

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This past weekend, I participated in some things as if I am truly catholic. I went to confession on Saturday morning; then I spent Saturday afternoon running the steps up and down and the Mother Cabrini Shrine just outside of Denver, CO. And Sunday morning, I did something I have not done in a long time – I attended mass at my local parish.  During the homily, the priest said something that stood out to me and sort of hit me upside my head. He said, “Often times we forget that we do not own our lives. That’s correct; your life is not your own, it belongs to God.”  He was speaking, in reference to a new law passed in Colorado: a physician assisted suicide law.  But based on my confessions, the time I spent at the Mother Cabrini Shrine and attending mass on Sunday, I am now feeling like I have been rather self-centered in how I have been approaching life. I can’t help but feel compelled to pursue something greater than myself.

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I’m not going to lie, I’m not satisfied with the feeling, but I am looking around myself and I am seeing something a little more clearly. The advice I received from the confessor, is to not try and tackle all of the problems of my life and he said to focus on one thing: Make room for God, a little, every day. And I am feeling like I need to do that.  When I was sitting in front of the gigantic statue of Jesus, I felt like he was looking me right in the eyes and telling me, “You are not being who my father made you to be.” I am confused, certainly, because it doesn’t align with anything that makes sense to me right now, but I felt at so much peace sitting there – a peace I have not felt in a long time and I am feeling compelled to make some changes that are long overdue. I simply felt like I am not being the man I was born to be.

Unfortunately, I am feeling like I need to pull myself away from some things that are making me feel obstructed. This blog is one of those things. But I know I struggle with commitment on anything and I know that I feel like I can’t just walk away.  But I feel like that I need to do just that – walk away, clean, without worry and focus on something – like God – other than myself. I follow a few blogs on here, that have always accepted me the way I am. Granted, I feel like there is some opinions, deep down, that the way I live my life is not an acceptable way to live, but those authors have never said anything – I just know this is the case from the many years I have spent pursuing my own understanding of my catholic upbringing.

I have come to believe that my number one biggest problem is that I care about everyone’s feeling, thoughts and opinions and I spend so much time worrying if I am pleasing to others. But I believe I have lost my focus on what should truly be important and central in my life.

I’m feeling like a radical and sudden change is needed in my life…

I might abandon this blog.

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35 thoughts on ““Your life is not your own…””

  1. If you feel the need to step away from this blog, even for just a while, maybe you should do it. It might or might not be a final decision. Maybe some distance will help you get clarity. I don’t think it’s helpful to look at your blog as an obligation. Whatever you decide, I hope you will find what you are looking for/what you need.
    Best wishes, Tanja

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Tanja, thank you. I don’t see my blog as an obligation, but I am conflicted in a lot of things and I’m beginning to think I try to hard to be something, anything, without having a clear understanding of myself. I can’t really explain why or how it happened, but this weekend I had some clarity I feel compelled to accept.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This post feels like I’m reading my own words. I truly understand what you are feeling. For a long time now I’ve been suffering from the feeling of being abandoned by God, so much so I blogged that emotion a few days ago. It seems as humans our journey to find, understand and be one with God is a constant one. If you feel the pull towards the Lord, then let yourself be drawn. When that feeling arrives, miracles happen.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Do what’s best for you. If it’s stepping away, I will miss you but I’ll understand.
    I hope you learn how to not be so affected by other people’s opinions and live yourself a little bit more each day.
    You know where to find me, blog or no blog.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Hey man, if you go, I’ll certainly miss you. But, it’s your ride. If you’ve decided you gotta make a change, do it. I hope you find the peace you long for…and stick around here too, but you know, that’s entirely up to you. 😃
    Either way, stay cool. 👊🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You would be dearly missed but this is not about us your followers but you and what you feel like you need to do. It doesn’t have to be the end and maybe you will come back without seeing your presence her as a must please everybody. That is not what it is about and you should always stay true to yourself. Forget about who likes it and who doesn’t. Those who truly care will be there for you and the rest shouldn’t matter. Remember that even if you withdraw and walk away from this blog there comes a time we all need someone to support and help us through the darkness. This is what your blog should be princess, nothing else and definitely not an obligation. I’m always here for you and you know where to reach me. Much love to you always on your journey. Hugs

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Step away, but don’t forget about those who care for you. Find the faith YOU need, not the ones others are giving to you. My own faith has changed from the kid I was in the Christian college I attended so many many years ago. It is still a strong faith, it is more mine and His. Remember, He erases lines others create.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Take a break. You’re not obligated to stay here. This is for you, and if you need to pursue yourself, your religion, and whatever else you think is in your best interests those that truly care about you here will understand. Always in your corner buddy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am sorry I am not a devout believer, so I have been struggling to find the right words to reply, without making it come across as a contest of faith, so this is what I will say – I find it difficult to believe that the way we are made and the way we feel, and the things that make us feel whole are NOT what a higher power had in mind, and that we are NOT the way that we are supposed to be. I hope there is a higher power, and that that higher power made us diverse, and appreciates us and our diversity, so long as we are good people. Though I have not been in years, the churches I attended when I was younger were much more lenient in their teachings, so I’ve never had to deal with what is so commonly referred to as the ‘Catholic guilt’ though (and I mean that as a figure of speech and to illustrate the differences in beliefs, not to sound insensitive). I am sorry you are going through such struggles trying to reconcile who you feel you are with who you feel you should be. You always inject so much thought and heart into your writing and communications I do believe whatever decision you make for yourself will be the right one, and hope that whatever you choose brings you peace and happiness and fulfillment. I’ll be rooting for you either way.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. I find it sometimes difficult to pick how to word things sometimes – once faith and politics are brought into a matter, many people will rail against whatever you say, thinking if you’re not ‘with’ then you’re ‘against’, and I didn’t want that to be my point. I’m not with or against any one ‘side’ when it comes to religion and belief – there are too many variables and questions… neither science nor religion hold all of the answers, and when it comes to faiths there are so many that I believe there is something, but that we all have our different names for it. With that being said, the real reason I wanted to reply was just to let you know that there is at least one more person supporting you along the way. I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. I hope you are able to find fulfilment in your life without having to compromise your self or your faith in the process. xo

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I know you’ll do the best thing for you… Even if it’s only the best thing for the moment. I just want to make one little suggestion. If you DO decide to “abandon” this blog, don’t delete it. The reason I say this is because sometimes we think we want one thing (or should do one thing), but then later down the line we discover that we want to “go back”. I don’t know if I’m making such sense right now (I just woke up, and still half asleep, lol). ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I think you’re struggling to find a way to accept yourself. Maybe you feel having a god who tells you to be a certain way will make it easier to “choose” a way to be and be it. I don’t know, honey. I’m not religious but I was brought up a Christian and if I were to take anything away from that, it’s that god/Jesus is all about love. That love is the most important thing in life and that love accepts. I believe you are who you are meant to be. You struggle but we all struggle. I was called over sensitive my whole life and believed it until I found out about empaths and suddenly realized that I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be. I don’t see your blog as a place where you try to be pleasing to others. Not sure if that’s what you meant but to me, you come here and share your joys and trials and thoughts and get feedback. And have friends. If you feel like you have to step away, of course we will support you but I hope you don’t feel like you’re doing anything wrong by blogging what you do. Hugs, my friend. Sleep well. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I believe in God and that He does have a plan and purpose for our lives. I think when we live in accordance with God’s plan, we do experience more fulfillment but ultimately we choose how we want to live. I hope you will make the best decisions, the ones you are most comfortable with and the ones that will give you the best outcome. However, I also think that takes time and sometimes, you follow a winding path to get there.
    Even if you decide not to continue with the blog, I hope you will continue your fitness challenge. How’s that going by the way?

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I cannot speak to any of the religious parts as I really have no faith. But… when you said this:

    “I spend so much time worrying if I am pleasing to others. But I believe I have lost my focus on what should truly be important and central in my life.”

    I saw myself in it. Not from a religious perspective… Just that I worry way too much about other people’s opinions of me. And I spend too much time trying to please everyone whether anything I’m doing to that end is good for me/my life or not.

    I’ll miss you if you go but I totally understand. And if you don’t mind, I may take that short paragraph I just wrote about my little struggle and expand it into a post. But maybe I won’t. Who knows what I’ll do! I don’t… 🙂

    xo ♥

    Liked by 1 person

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