Today, I woke up and did some things for my job (I’m feeling frustrated with that at the moment…sigh), then I sat down and read the next section in the book I’ve been reading on how to make changes to be a more Beautiful You. The author discusses how, on one birthday. she sat down and made a list of things she wants to do in the coming year. She happened to make a list of one item per year of life. She went on to explain that she listed anything she could think of – little things, major things, things for herself, things she wanted to learn, or whatever. She looks at this list as her reason to live for herself (Although, I think that might be my interpretation…I don’t have the book right in front of me to reference it accurately) and began doing things she never did before.
She also explains that she has never completed the list she makes each year, but she does grow from the experiences she has from these items. The author explains that her confidence grew and that she felt life was more fulfilled. She goes on to explain that the end of the year, she reviews what she has done and relives the memories and experiences and reflects on their significance to her.
Then she instructs the readers to make their own list…
I shut the book, but it away, folded my arms across my chest and practically pouted. “I can’t do anything…” came the negative thought, almost instantly. “When am I ever going to be able to do anything I want…” was the next thought. “But I want to do something…” a slight feeling of hope had entered; only to be followed by, “Everything I want to do costs too much”. And the worst one, I think, “I’ll feel like an idiot trying anything..,”.
Then I jumped out of my seat, jumped up and down and said to myself, “Why do you do this?!?! Why do you refuse to do anything…? What is so wrong with your desires for life?” And then I remembered, “Because you’re afraid to be happy…”
I am… I’m afraid to be happy and I don’t know why.
The author suggests making a list for each year you have been alive – for example, if your nest birthday, you turn 103, then you should have 103 items in your list. She says, cut the list in half, if your birthday is at least 6 months away. If it’s less than six months away, she said to make a quarter list or a third of the list.
So, here I am, making my list…and it may seem silly, but this took some real effort. I gritted my teeth, my hands were tight, my head began to hurt, as I thought about what I might like. But I’m going to make the list for my entire next birthday (ugh…and it makes me feel kinda old).
- Take a yoga class
- Learn to dance
- Learn rock climbing
- Continue hiking 14ers in Colorado
- wax the hair off my body
- Get a tattoo (I have 4, currently)
- Learn to play an instrument.
- Start running
- Visit a couple of national parks
- Take a trip back to Europe
- Begin seeing a therapist again
- I really do want to stop drinking (I’m not getting drunk, but I’m not completely sober either.)
- Volunteer my time someplace…just not sure where
- Buy a dress
- Learn to paint
- Reconcile myself to divorce
- Find a better job
- Learn to fish
- I get manicures and pedicures, but I’d like to have my nails painted
- Confide in someone in my real life, my sexuality
- Take a class on nutrition
- Read some piece of classic literature
- Attend a fashion show
- Visit Las Vegas
- See the Canadian Rockies
- Go out on a Friday night and meet people (aaaaggghhhhh…the thought causes me anxiety)
- Find spirituality
- Make a clay sculpture
- Learn to draw
- Drink more water (I feel dehydrated today…blech)
- Get a massage
- Give a massage
- Make a new friend
- Attend a concert
- Climb the Manitou Incline
- Try writing a short story (Meg suggested I try it, but I’m self-conscious of my writing ability)
- Get my palm read
- Learn to cook something new
- Consider making a love-connection (In all seriousness, until I’m divorced, this won’t happen)
- Ask my mom to teach me to crochet (I’ve always liked the blankets she makes)
- Try and reconcile with my sister
- Learn Spanish or some other language
- De-clutter (Seriously, I got things I no longer need)
- Try on a wig
- Not give up on life!
Okay, there you have it, there’s my list of things I’d like to do before I turn 46…