Within the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a couple of email exchanges that kind of surprised me. I’ve had a few guys email me and express their interest in me…um…sexually…as Stephanie. And I have to admit, it’s been a little exciting and I easily liked some of the exchanges. I liked that I was treated as if I am Stephanie and these guys are fully aware of who/what I am. On some level, it encourages me that I might still be able to find love someday and it encourages me that, in spite of everything, I can be appreciated for the person I am.
I read another post today discussing cyber-sex. Often times I have pondered cyber-sex and if it is right or wrong. I have debated it almost as if it is another example of my being as an issue of right or wrong. I would be lying, if I said I didn’t appreciate the attention I got from the guys that have emailed me. Actually, it would be a monstrous lie, because I really loved the attention. I don’t know if it had anything to do with my more feminine nature, I don’t know if it’s because I mentioned I am going to be getting a divorce and I don’t know if I’m reading into it, but since I started expressing myself as Stephanie, I have received more interest in me than ever before while having this blog. But, without thinking about it too much, I have to admit that it was exciting and fun. I recognize, however, that these have been short lived exchanges and some of them went well and some of them didn’t, but it made me feel more like…myself. It made me feel a little more at ease.
I have other things going on in my mind today – especially since I’ve had some heartfelt realizations over this past weekend – but I don’t know how to sort them out just yet, so it’s hard to discuss them. I do know, however, thinking about the attention I have been getting from some guys lately, has me a little…silly, stupid, goofy, bashful, excited, free, encouraged, positive, humorous, giddy, energetic, scary, flirty, worried, etc., etc. The emotions come pouring out…
But how real can any of it be…?