QFMR: What advice would you give me on being in limbo?

It’s not easy for me to ask for advice. I constantly feel like I’m after attention, but I want to change my life.  I can’t seem to find the answers within myself, and after I have calmed down and found a way to regain some slight balance, I am now at the point where I begin to question everything again.  So, I’m reaching out and asking for advice. There are many of you that have been following me for quite some time and there are a few that are new-comers, but I want some of you to be totally and brutally honest with me and I’ll ask, because I can’t come up with the answer:

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What direction do you think my life should go?

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14 thoughts on “QFMR: What advice would you give me on being in limbo?”

  1. Oh sweet lil’ brother, you ask what only YOU can answer.

    The secret I believe is to remember that if you remain without guile or intent to harm others, then whatever way you choose to go is the right way for you.

    Think of how many of those magnificent trails exist in our favorite place – each leading to someplace beautiful. You don’t have to choose one over the other, you can walk a while on each of them. And it’s the right trail while you’re on it.

    Love ya ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Well, we show up when you need us. Right on time. Kinda like FedEx (unless the neighborhood punks steal us before you get to the door)

        It will get easier and easier, lil bro. You start realizing that you’re wasting precious moments fearing what doesn’t need to be feared and trying to please those who will never be satisfied.

        Then it’s ‘Fuck Hilda, I’m takin’ a hike and I’m wearing my high heels!’ Bam 💥

        Liked by 2 people

  2. My mother once asked me, “Do you know the difference between existing and living?” She asked that question because I was stuck in limbo, a few tons of issues keeping me from moving in any direction and I guess the look in my eyes, more than my words, tripped her mommy senses and, thus the question.

    I think I said something like they’re the same thing… because I kinda got my head handed to me as she explained to me that if I were living, I wouldn’t be stuck in the place I was. Bottom line is that I asked her what I had to do to get back to living instead of merely existing and she said that, first, I had to decide to stop existing and being stuck in place and then pick a direction – any direction – and keep moving until I could see my way clear of the quagmire I was currently stuck in.

    I started to offer up a lot of “what if” stuff and, for a moment, I got the sense she wanted to backhand the shit out of me; she didn’t but said something to the effect that I couldn’t afford to be afraid of stuff that may or may not happen, that moving forward and failing was much better than being stuck in limbo and not taking charge of my life… and no matter what happened after I was back in charge.

    She was right (when is mom ever wrong?); instead of sitting around having an epic pity party, I needed to change things because no one else could change them for me. Her last words to me, as she gave me a motherly kiss on the cheek, were, “I don’t care what you do but do something – anything – to get your head out of your ass and get back to living!”

    And I’ve never been stuck in limbo again. The “problem” about asking other people what direction you should go in isn’t that you wouldn’t get good advice; it’s that when you bottom-line things, all the advice to you would be to pick a direction and go that way and you’re the only one who truly knows what direction you need to go that’ll, hopefully, keep you out of the quicksand.

    If there was one thing I’d “advise,” it’s to stop worrying about shit you can’t do a damned thing about. You can’t ignore running into these things but once they reveal that there’s no feasible, immediate, or practical solution, set it aside and don’t waste any more time with them.

    Your sexuality? Decide what you ultimately want to do with and about it and start going in that direction – and even if you decide to do nothing about it and I’ll remind you that you don’t have to do anything about it. Your wife? Honestly and I’ll even beg your forgiveness for saying this but you should have cut her loose a long time ago because she is very toxic; it’s gonna be brutal but you will survive it.

    Your thoughts about a higher being? If you accept that there is one and you have faith in that acceptance, there’s no need for you to keep questioning it – that’s why they call it faith. Staying clean and sober? My friend, that should be your first move in the right direction and setting aside all the negativity that’ll break down your will to succeed in this is pretty much a no-brainer. Overall? Stop second guessing yourself; believe in yourself because there are a lot of folks here who do believe in you, including me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your mother sounds like an incredibly wise woman. I think I am settling on some decisions in my life, but I do think the major one is the issue of my well-being…granted, all of the decisions would be focused on that, but I’m thinking immediate well-being is the most important.
      I need to feed myself – emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally, sexually, etc – before I can do anything else in life.
      I’m getting there…it’s been an excruciating process to be so introspective, but I’m getting there…

      Like

      1. Yeah, my mother is one hell of a human being, thank you. Stay strong; stay determined to get unstuck and then be determined to avoid getting stuck again. It’s not gonna be easy but fighting through it all is much better than standing still and getting your ass kicked and not “defending” yourself.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. The question to life is simple. It’s as simple as what you make of it. I am not one to comment because I have no clue what I am doing half the time, and I am kind of bumping my way through life. But with all the bumps and bruises, come the good times which makes life worth living. You’ll get there. One bump at a time!

    Liked by 1 person

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