Not feeling it today.

This morning I woke up, rolled out of bed. I slipped out of the panties and t-shirt I wore to bed. I went to the bathroom and turned the shower on. I sat there staring into the water as it began to warm. I checked the temperature and when it felt right, I slithered into the water. I let the water run over me and I began to cry.

I’m not even sure why. I’m not sure why I’m feeling so defeated today. For the most part, everything is going the way it should be going. Nothing is perfect – in fact, it is far from perfect – but my attitude seems to have changed. I have been handling things with more positivity.

But this morning just felt different.

I noticed I hadn’t shaved my legs in a while, as I put on clean panties. After I put them on, I looked at myself in the mirror and I questioned my reality, for a brief moment. I took my underwear off, put them away and grabbed some boxer briefs. I put on a pair of jeans, buckled a belt around my waist, put white socks on, slipped into some sneakers and put on a t-shirt.

I walked out the front door, feeling melancholy, but as I was driving down the street, I was able to catch a glimpse of this beautiful sunrise:



28 thoughts on “Not feeling it today.”

  1. This is strange. I woke up melancholy as well but put it down to being homesick for Oregon. I’m at work now and trying to choke down the weepies as I mope about not being allowed to work from home…in which case I’d move to Oregon and live in a shack in Depoe Beach.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. If I could go back to the coast, I’d love it. In my real world, I’m in the east and I hate EO. At the moment, I am where I belong, but I can’t stay here. It must be a Monday all over this Wednesday.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hey friend! I so appreciate your transparency and the chronicled moments of your life. Most times social media is used to present an implied reality-not reality! Thanks for just being real in your struggle and in your triumph. Most days are a struggle especially for the salmon swimming up steam-Burt don’t give up. You must find the truth fire yourself and in your own timing. Never let others opinions or disdain move you in a direction other than your choosing. You’ve got this… You’ve come too far to turn back.
    Remember why you started & just keep moving forward!
    Love You!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah the sunrise is something to be grateful for. If you get up one morning and don’t feel feminine that’s ok. You don’t have to every day, maybe just some days. Don’t feel like you have to force it if it isn’t coming to you at that particular moment. You are a man – it makes sense that you would feel masculine on some days as well. Don’t feel bad about following your nature, whichever side of it surfaces! xo

    Liked by 2 people

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