AJ: A picture…

I’m sure it becomes readily obvious, from reading my blog, that I have horrible self-esteem (though, it’s getting better) and have a difficult time seeing myself as attractive. Well, yesterday I mentioned, a couple of times, that I haven’t really been having the best of luck finding a guy that would want to be a friend.  There were a couple of guys I have been talking to and only one that hasn’t brought up sex or anything beyond building a friendship that may or may not build into something later down the road. But he asked me for a picture…

I don’t do pictures…

I don’t do them for a number of reasons, but here are a few:

  1. I am hairy.
  2. I have a wandering eye (also known as a lazy eye)
  3. I look like I eat small woodland creatures for lunch
  4. I’m ugly
  5. I’m fat
  6. I’m not as feminine as I prefer
  7. I’m not beautiful
  8. I’m not a stud
  9. I’m too big
  10. My nostrils flare out
  11. etc.

You all kind of get the point – there are a kazillion reasons I can come up with that tell me not to send my picture, so I don’t.  Of course, I am changing the way I feel about myself, but I still have some major drawbacks to sending out my picture to anyone, let alone a stranger.

Have I ever shown anyone? Yes, of course I have. There are a limited few that I have shared a picture of myself.  I have even shared small pieces of me, before – such as this one. I shared a picture within the last week with another blogger – of course, with the promise that it won’t be shared.  But I am reluctant to show myself for some authentic reasons, and one that is extremely important to me:

My safety. I fear consequences for myself and for those in my life that I care about.

But, today I want to offer a little more of myself, to be somewhat more comfortable showing myself, so here is this little bit of me:

partme

Oh…and please ignore the list I posted above, because I recognize it is just Hilda showing up.

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19 thoughts on “AJ: A picture…”

  1. “I look like I eat small woodland creatures for lunch”, Hahaha!!! That was THE funniest thing I have heard in a while!!! 😂 Hell, even if you’d look like Shrek, your sense of humour, kind personality and life experience, makes you very attractive to anyone! 😁🌹💙🌹🌹🌹

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Lazy eye! My eldest has one of those. He uses it often. If he is being bored or someone is irritating him,he makes it wander and freaks people out. Cracks me up. YOU are fun, what a person looks like doesn’t matter, I love all shapes and sizes. This said, my own thoughts on my aged self has never been good. 😕

    Liked by 1 person

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