I’m sure it becomes readily obvious, from reading my blog, that I have horrible self-esteem (though, it’s getting better) and have a difficult time seeing myself as attractive. Well, yesterday I mentioned, a couple of times, that I haven’t really been having the best of luck finding a guy that would want to be a friend. There were a couple of guys I have been talking to and only one that hasn’t brought up sex or anything beyond building a friendship that may or may not build into something later down the road. But he asked me for a picture…
I don’t do pictures…
I don’t do them for a number of reasons, but here are a few:
- I am hairy.
- I have a wandering eye (also known as a lazy eye)
- I look like I eat small woodland creatures for lunch
- I’m ugly
- I’m fat
- I’m not as feminine as I prefer
- I’m not beautiful
- I’m not a stud
- I’m too big
- My nostrils flare out
You all kind of get the point – there are a kazillion reasons I can come up with that tell me not to send my picture, so I don’t. Of course, I am changing the way I feel about myself, but I still have some major drawbacks to sending out my picture to anyone, let alone a stranger.
Have I ever shown anyone? Yes, of course I have. There are a limited few that I have shared a picture of myself. I have even shared small pieces of me, before – such as this one. I shared a picture within the last week with another blogger – of course, with the promise that it won’t be shared. But I am reluctant to show myself for some authentic reasons, and one that is extremely important to me:
My safety. I fear consequences for myself and for those in my life that I care about.
But, today I want to offer a little more of myself, to be somewhat more comfortable showing myself, so here is this little bit of me:
Oh…and please ignore the list I posted above, because I recognize it is just Hilda showing up.