So, I have not written in my Beautiful You Journal in quite some time. Mostly, because the topic for this was extremely difficult. I didn’t want to describe myself a couple of months ago, because I was feeling the bouts of depression again and I was feeling self-deprecating. I wanted to capture when I was feeling good about myself. So, here goes:
I see myself as a beautiful person – my heart and soul looks for good in everyone. Growing up, my favorite compliment is that I was conscientious of others. I have a keen mind (when I’m sober), that is comfortable with logic, but tortured by emotion. I am meticulous about minor details within my work ethic. I think I would give the short off my back to anyone. I try to treat others with decency and respect. Although, I’m quite masculine on the outside, I am comfortable with my somewhat soft interior that heavily flirts with the feminine aspects of my personality. I still struggle being bisexual, and haven’t ever figured out traditional gender roles, so I tend to stumble with certain behaviors of either gender and gleefully exhibit others well. I am intelligent and love science and math, but have grown into enjoying those things that pull at emotions. I enjoy being more passive, versus being aggressive, but I am comfortable taking a leading role in situations that require it. I try and look upon others delicately, appreciating that everyone has a story.
Physically, I’m not quite at a place that I feel comfortable liking myself, but I am working on it. I struggle comparing myself to when I was in great shape. I’ve allowed the stresses and experiences of my life to bear down on me, negatively; but I have the desire to change. I have always been curious about looking as feminine as I feel on the outside, but have accepted, long ago, that this is not so simple for someone like me. So, on some level, I respect that I need to learn to like me just the way I am.