Twenty Four-24

Today marks the 24th period that is divided up into 24 hours that I have not had a drink.

Why do I mention it this way instead of just claiming 24 days?  Well, anyone that has gone to an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting can tell you that it is highly recommended that you only focus on the 24 hours in THIS day – not the next day, not the day after that, not the week after that, or the month after that, next year, 3 years or any other time in the future.

Well, today I am struggling a little.  I am tense, my breathing is short and labored. It’s not a physical ailment I have, however, but the familiar onset of an anxious mind. I feel my vision narrow and expand, I feel my neck tense and release. I notice at times I am clenching my teeth and I notice myself holding my breath inadvertently. My head feels like this skin around it is tightening. I feel hungry, thirsty, a need to satisfy some urge I can’t describe. Even writing about it at the moment isn’t helping. The tenseness of my body, my mind, my chest, my heart, my soul…it is almost indescribable the feeling I am having. I feel all of the familiar things that I used to want to go numb with a beer. I feel myself experiencing the phenomena known as “white-knuckling it”.

I have a lot on my mind today and I can’t concentrate, or think about all of the new changes I’m going to have happen over the next several days.  I had mentioned I will be taking a new job that is closer to home and I can’t let go of the fear and worry that is gripping my mind. It’s not just the job, it’s coming home to family, friends, people…so many things, places I know and all of the things that were there previously that had caused me stress before. I need to find a way to deal with it all.

I just want to know comfort, confidence, peace, a sense of the so-called serenity.

I need to make it though.

This is the test.

This is the critical point that I can prove to myself that I can overcome this temptation. This is the time when I put this 24 hour period to the test.

I have to get through today.

Advertisements

30 thoughts on “Twenty Four-24”

  1. Been there and done that. ” there comes a time in the life of an alcoholic where he/she has no defense against …” Will power is useless. Try it the next time you have a bad case of the shits and let me know how that worked out for you. Reliance on a power greater than you is the solution. Some of it is physical. Eat some sugar and exercise till you sweat. Remember you have an addicted brain and always will. Just like me ! Peace

    Liked by 4 people

        1. Marshal….
          everyone deals differently with the same situation…
          so your experience and your solution may not work for anyone else but you..
          we just need to encourage and try to motivate… instead of advising.. with your methods ..

          Liked by 1 person

          1. WE WILL JUST HAVE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE. ALCOHOLISM IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH. 3 MILLION MEMBERS OF AA AND 1.5 MILLON MEMBERS OF CELEBRATE RECOVERY WOULD BEG TO DIFFER WITH YOU. A PROBLEN DRINKER OR A HARD DRINKER WHO HAS NOT YET CROSSED THAT LINE IN THE SAND INTO FULL REAL ALCOHOLISM CAN GIVEN SUFFENCT REASON USE WILL POWER TO STOP DRINKING. ONCE THAT LINE HAS BEEN CROSSED THERE IS NO HUMAN POWER THAT CAN HELP. IT TAKES A COMPLETE PSYCHIC REVERSAL. HUMANS CAN NOT DO THAT. AN ALCOHOIC CAN SEEK OTHER OPTION ALL THE WAY TO THE GRAVE.

            Like

            1. It’s a matter of opinion… and I’m sure you are talking from a personal experience ..
              so you have the authority to assume and use your experience as proof to form your opinions..

              But.. I still say that everyone’s reaction is not the same and everyone has a different way of kicking the habit if they really want to..
              it all comes down to the discipline of will power.. and how much the need is to stop ✋..

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Heyyyy.. you will..

    Because you are determined to conquer this thing…
    you need a distraction at times like these..
    addiction is really a hard thing to get over. That dependency for easing everything is not easily replaced..
    but your will to overcome will get you through it..

    You are doing just great..
    just exercise a little more patience.. to fully rid you from the need of it..

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You’re not helpless against this. I’m glad to hear you’re already beginning to feel a little better. Make sure you keep monitoring your blood sugar just in case its partially a physical thing. You can do it. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s