It seems like such a silly topic, but I am going somewhere with this, so please stay with me while I explore this. But in this next installment on my Sexual and Relationship Development series, I discuss peeing while sitting down.
I’m not sure when I started it, but many years ago I stopped standing up when I peed in the toilet. There seemed to be some sort of recognition that it felt somehow right. It wasn’t even a conscious thought that I was doing it, I just began going into the bathroom, pulling my pants down and sitting down to pee. In fact, I hadn’t even realized it until someone pointed it out to me by saying, “What are you, a girl? You never stand up when pissing.”
At the time I first heard that, it made me think that I should consider the impact of that. Am I tired? Depressed? Just looking for a chance to take a load off my feet? I couldn’t find anyway to correlate why I peed sitting down. Even in the men’s restroom, I would divert away from the urinal and go into a stall so I could sit and pee. I can’t think of a justifiable reason as to why I began doing it. I even looked at my past when I was younger and tried to see if this is something that has always been with me. Honestly, I spent the predominant potion of my life being male. I peed standing up for a lot of my life. But there were times when I was a lot younger that I peed sitting down. I can remember being a school child, maybe 6 or 7 years old and going to the girls’ bathroom and I would go into a stall and sit down to pee, I would do this because I never felt really comfortable around my male class mates and always felt more comfortable around my female classmates. I remember a couple of teachers explaining to me that I was not supposed to go into the girls’ bathroom, because I was a boy and little boys needed their own bathroom.
To me there was never a time when I thought I was a girl, but there have been times when I felt like a girl. I have never wanted to be without my penis, but there have been times when I wondered what it would be like. I have indicated, in previous posts, that I have cross-dressed before, that I have felt feminine, that I have felt like a girl on the inside during different times in my life. But to BE a girl? No, I never felt like I should have been. Don’t get me wrong, I find a lot of comfort and encouragement from my online friends that give me female pronouns or refer to me in a way that is typically associated with being a girl.
I have had people ask me – online, obviously – what gender I identify as, but for most of my life I would have given the literal answer as “Male”. But nowadays, there seems to be some open-mindedness about the subject and I have no idea how to answer that, really. I guess, for the most part I think of myself as male (I do have a penis and I do like it), but there are times I enjoy…no, embrace…the feminine aspects of myself. I don’t have any desire to change my physical appearance (other than with natural healthy methods), but I doesn’t mean there has not been times when I have wondered what I would look like as a woman. The gender identity question is something that is a curiosity to me, but not really something I ponder to greatly – even if I have spent time thinking about it – because I feel like I was born anatomically male, and I have learned to embrace the inner femininity I have.
…I pee sitting down.