Sometimes, You Just Need to Face It: Life that is.

Warning: In this post, I use the F-word more than usual, please excuse it or don’t read it.

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I think I’m fucked.

Seriously, I think I made a fucked up decision about taking a new jobtaking a new job that pays 40% less, and the benefit costs are going to bring that compensation down to about 50% less.  I’m dealing with the fear of the future (also known as anxiety), but you know what? For some reason, I’m well aware of the fear (One of the not-so-lovely enemies of alcoholics) I have going on in my head, but the desire to move past it doesn’t seem to rise up in me like it used to so many years ago.

I think, for me at least, I have this uncanny ability to look at a locomotive coming down the tracks and walk right onto those tracks, fully aware there would be nothing left of me but hair, teeth and eyeballs. Of course, there is that power of choice I can use to avoid it, but that is WAY too logical for someone like me – oddly enough, I LOVE logic, but I have not made much use of it in recent years. Hell, I even feel like the decision I made was made from an emotional standpoint and not a logical one.  Hell, last night, I was really struggling with the decision to drink or not. I made it through the evening, however, and took a bath – I love baths – and I went to bed to give myself a chance to free my mind a little.

This morning, I woke up and thought to myself, “Yup, you’re fucked!” But I had another thought that went like this:

This isn’t the first time you’ve had a good fucking, maybe you should just embrace it, you fucking fucker.”

So, I am going to face this decision I have made and I’m going to roll with it like a mutha-fucka! I have no fucking clue how I’m going to manage, but necessity will dictate the ideas and decisions from this point on. I’ll fuckin’ address things if/when they happen and not one fucking minute before.

Day 20, mutha-fuckas!

(P.S. I really hope I didn’t offend anyone.)

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35 thoughts on “Sometimes, You Just Need to Face It: Life that is.”

      1. Do you get the emojis from your phone? I’m always on my computer, so can’t figure out how to do emojis besides the basic ones?

        If you are on your phone, what’s the best way you’ve found to use WordPress with your phone

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I think you are letting everything crash down at you at once and sometimes the whole picture seems overwhelming. Of course it has to be considered but don’t get stuck too much in every possible scenario that could happen. You have no control over it, so let it happen. And when it does and just like you said, deal with the f…..shit when it comes your way. One day and one step at a time. It will work out and I think you will lift a burden and weight off of your shoulders once it is all said and done. Things happen for a reason, something told you to go for it and you did. It’s just the fear of the uncertainty that is weighing you down, the “what if’s”. So don’t say “why me” and change your mind to “try me”. You got this my friend and I believe in you. Everything will fall into place by getting rid of the status while nourishing your heart. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. you’re on a journey you have never been on before. it’s all a big unknown AND there is no right or wrong way to do it. it’s yours and you call the shots. the only thing to fear is fear itself – literally. you want to be in Colorado, good for you, you are obviously happier there! I can tell you are a mover and a shaker thats what you – embrace you, love you!

    Liked by 1 person

        1. I’ll let you know when I get back…lol
          I’m okay tonight. I’ve sat down with pen and paper and planning my new monthly budget and right now it looks like I’ll be making $1800 too little each month. I am going to have to eliminate some things and take up a second job on weekends. It’s like I go fr9m one stressful situation to a different stressful situation.

          Liked by 1 person

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