What I Hate Most About Anxiety…

…is that there are days when I just can’t seem to escape it.  I feel like I live in a world without routine. I tend to thrive off routine and I am missing it somehow and I am beginning to think that I have swapped the lack of routine with the routine of negativity, depression, anxiety and alcohol.  Today I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself. I made a list, yesterday, of things I wanted to get done today. But I haven’t done any of it.

I’m really not sure what’s wrong anymore. I should (There’s that damned “should” again…) be feeling better, since I haven’t been drinking. But today, I am not feeling better. I’m feeling pent up, with a lot of emotion and rage and feer and discontent and I don’t feel like I have an outlet.

I hate the ups and downs I feel.

I don’t like the impatience I’ve developed for the change I want.

I don’t know how to stay the course anymore.

I’ve lost something…

Something I don’t know how to find or where to look.

I have this feeling like I should be doing something important, but it’s not the other important things I should be doing (That sounds like a big circle-jerk, but it’s how I feel).

It’s so bad, right at the moment, I have this pressing urge to get up from my desk, walk out and drive away…

…in spite of the fact that this job is my only source of income at the moment.

 

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19 thoughts on “What I Hate Most About Anxiety…”

  1. It’s like that when stopping any habit. Smoking, drinking, whatever. Your body isn’t getting something it was used to getting. It doesn’t like not getting it. But if you give in, it just starts the vicious cycle all over again. Ride it out. It’ll get better.

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  2. Ice packs and heating pads help me, but are not so easy when you are at work. Belly breathing helps much no matter where you are and you have anxiety. A few deep belly breaths by slapping one hand on the tummy and breathing, watching your belly rise immediately brings anxiety down to a better level. Hope you feel better….

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  3. The most important thing is to take care of yourself. Forget everything else.
    I think this just adds to my certainty that your drinking is consequence, not cause. You can stop the drinking but you will still feel down because of everything else.
    Remember it will be a long process. There’s no quick fixes unfortunately and my mom’s therapist once told her the time to recover is at least as long as the time you’ve been down.
    I don’t want by any means to upset you with this, but you need realistic goals.
    I am here if you want to chat. You know where to find me. 😊😊😊

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  4. I hope you can find something that makes you feel better. I agree with the others that a walk outside- hopefully in the sunshine- will help as well as some mindful breathing. Choose a focus point for your breath- the air as it sweeps over the back of your throat, your hand as it moves up and down on your belly, etc, and just breathe deeply in and out, 5 or 10 times. Find some nice music to listen to if you can- that could help. You will get through it- that’s the most important thing to remember. This is temporary.

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  5. Ghegheghe, I recognise that: making plans and then not fullfilling them and being restless. Early sobriety is strange: the whole system is resetting and it takes awareness / conscious action or no action and PATIENCE!!! NOW!!! 😉 to feel like you belong again. Babysteps it is, babysteps.
    You are doing great. Berating yourself does not serve any purpose but trying to somehow feel better ‘because you punish yourself’. No use. 😉
    What would a man who loves himself do? Would he spend energy on berating himself?
    xx, Feeling

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  6. Are you writing my life right now!? My anxiety has been through the roof and I don’t know why. I haven’t done my chores (I am OCD), yes, it gets on my nerves but I honestly have no motivation to do anything about it and it is absolutely depressing. Hang in there, you’re not alone. at all.

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