Insomniac Thoughts

I’m having a hard time falling asleep tonight. I’ve finished 5 days of complete sobriety, altered my diet to better eating and attempting to remain positive. Today, I felt an overwhelming amount of energy…ahem…and the energy has increased. I’m having a difficult time winding down to sleep. I’ve gone through this before and it unnerves me a bit, because I have resorted to drinking before to settle myself.

But, this is also one of those times where I have wondered if this is a manic state common to bipolar disorder. I’ve never been diagnosed, but I have wondered about it for a few different reasons: I have biologic family members on my mom’s side of the family that have the condition, there are a few addicts (drug and alcohol) on my mom’s side of the family, suicide, etc. Understanding that there are some mental illnesses that have a genetic link, has made me wonder if I might have these problems too – even to a lesser degree.

Granted, I’m not sure that I would do anything specific, but I do ponder these things and it sometimes adds to the insomnia I feel during these times. I also begin to think about other things, because my mind begins to wander – a dangerous thing for anxious thoughts. What I do know, however, is that this means there will need to be a doubling down in my efforts to stay away from drinking.


17 thoughts on “Insomniac Thoughts”

  1. Congrats on your continuous sobriety!

    Yes…when I quit dulling my senses with alcohol the whole world becomes seductive to me. The things I notice, the things I see and the scents I inhail are amazing. It reminds me of the Walt Whitman poem “I Sing the Body Electric”:

    But the expression of a well-made man appears not only in his face,
    It is in his limbs and joints also, it is curiously in the joints of his hips and wrists,
    It is in his walk, the carriage of his neck, the flex of his waist and knees, dress does not hide him,
    The strong sweet quality he has strikes through the cotton and broadcloth,
    To see him pass conveys as much as the best poem, perhaps more,
    You linger to see his back, and the back of his neck and shoulder-side…”

    Hooray sobriety πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey TS,
    I had the same-ish heightened sex drive when I quit smoking. I heard others had the same so I guess it is pretty normal. You might have a disadvantage because you are a guy in the female soberblogosphere – I am thinking women don’t speak about this easily. And also; a lot of women with addiction issues have a background of abuse, so that might be another reason for not focussing on sex. For me it disappeared after a while. If is bothers you you could check with e.g. local detox support doctor? Or in a meeting? Don’t go to your GP, I do not expect them to know shit about addiction and recovery.
    What I do read in your post here is anxiety and possible, I say possible, hypochondria. Neither of these are uncommon when quitting drinking. And everybody ‘projects’ the anxiety which builds up internally onto another subject. For one it is health, for another money, another person can’t sleep or has nightmares. What happened is that for a long period of time you drank away your anxiety and because you quit the body can not find its release (pun intended) and out of the depths of our brains come up the things which we fear/like/fantasise about (fantasise in a good and bad way).
    Another function of anxiety can be that the addict within is purposely stressing you out so you can thing ‘Whoah! This is too difficult, I go back to drinking.’ So, then revers to rule one: whatever makes you drink now or in the future comes from the addict within.
    Yet another way of looking at this is that you possibly have an alcohol issue to cover up for an underlaying sex/connection issue. Not sure if that sounds any better. ;-).
    Eating licorice sweets, and possibly root too, can dampen male libido, but also (temporarily) heighten blood pressure and very quickly.
    Hope this helps a bit, congrats on being sober!
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ghegheghe…. just finished a reply to your Bi the way post :-). I did not read other posts yet.
        I think it is good to take the reasons seriously, I also think it is a spiritual misunderstanding to use them as an excuse to drink. In my latest definition drinking is a spiritual misunderstanding of how to deal with life.
        xx, Feeling


  3. I have bipolar 1. It is not the worst thing ever, but it’s hard to manage if you are unmedicated. It comes hand in hand with anxiety, and there’s definitely a genetic component to it. As a therapist, I can tell you that drinking usually comes along with a lot of mood disorders because of the “self-medicatio” and to calm the highs and lows. Please contact me if you have questions, I might be able to steer you in the right direction or I can at least talk to you about my experiences with bipolar.

    Liked by 1 person

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