I’m having a hard time falling asleep tonight. I’ve finished 5 days of complete sobriety, altered my diet to better eating and attempting to remain positive. Today, I felt an overwhelming amount of energy…ahem…and the energy has increased. I’m having a difficult time winding down to sleep. I’ve gone through this before and it unnerves me a bit, because I have resorted to drinking before to settle myself.
But, this is also one of those times where I have wondered if this is a manic state common to bipolar disorder. I’ve never been diagnosed, but I have wondered about it for a few different reasons: I have biologic family members on my mom’s side of the family that have the condition, there are a few addicts (drug and alcohol) on my mom’s side of the family, suicide, etc. Understanding that there are some mental illnesses that have a genetic link, has made me wonder if I might have these problems too – even to a lesser degree.
Granted, I’m not sure that I would do anything specific, but I do ponder these things and it sometimes adds to the insomnia I feel during these times. I also begin to think about other things, because my mind begins to wander – a dangerous thing for anxious thoughts. What I do know, however, is that this means there will need to be a doubling down in my efforts to stay away from drinking.