The Opposite Gender: A Wish, A Reality, A Fantasy?

Today, I was perusing other blog’s posts and came across this post that posed an intriguing question (Okay, so I’m intrigued, but maybe you are too): What if you were born the opposite sex? This topic is something I deal with in my own blog posts, as you can see here and here. I have been referred to as someone “struggling with gender-identity”, someone that is “gender-fluid”, or what some Native American tribes might refer to as “two-spirited”. I can honestly say that, for me, I have experienced a more profound exploration of the “opposite gender” than merely contemplating the thought experiment. Certainly, I have had dreams (Maybe I’ll write a post about my dreams, sometime…) where I was a woman. I’ve played dress-up, as a kid, and have enjoyed a dress or two – or some other feminine ways to dress. So, in a short answer to this blogger’s question: Yes, I have thought about it, but there is more to it for me.

I have always felt a dualistic nature to both my sexuality and my gender. Exploring these two topics over the past few years have really filled me with strong emotions, regrets, tragic feelings, but hope. I am coming to a greater understanding and acceptance of myself, in spite of suppressing all of these things for the majorit of my life. As you can see from some of the links I’ve provided above, I have enjoyed exploring the more feminine side of myself. I have had people on here embrace me, as if I were a girl, I have enjoyed the references indicating that I’m female. And yet, I’m still able to be happily male.  I have pondered what changing my gender would mean, but I am definitively and outwardly male and masculine – there is simply a lot about me you can’t hide. For me the duality is the concept of having characteristics that are stereotypically common to both genders. Likewise, my sexuality tends to incorporate a more opposing aspect to me gender – for example, I feel feminine when I’m with a guy and I feel masculine when I’m with a woman. My attractions mold to a stereotypical gender identity too – I’m attracted to feminine women and masculine men (though, this isn’t a hardened matter, I am felixble).

As many of you have witnessed, my self-acceptance is not without struggle. This is a matter that truly bothers me. For example, bisexuals are the demographic that are among the highest rates of mental health problems. There are distinct risks that bisexuals face, as well, such as not being widely accepted in either the straight community or the LGBT community, stereotypes that neither straights nor homosexuals have to face, and there are inherent romantic risks (A different topic and a different post, sometime). I have, personally, dealt with matters concerning my sexuality and gender-identity that have made me ponder how much I even like myself. I’m getting past some of this (a lot of it has to do with the wide acceptance I receive from all of you) with plenty of help, but it’s still uncomfortable. But since I have never come-out on a wide basis, most of the emotional impacts have been experienced privately and alone.

I am coming to terms with the fact that I exhibit characteristics of both genders. I value the fact that I can be considered a human being, in spite of the fact that I don’t fit the socio-standard ‘mold’. I enjoy that the girls on WordPress include me as ‘one of the girls’; I appreciate that the guys on WordPress don’t want to punch me in the face and ‘make me man-up’. I appreciate that I can be accepted for the roles that I fill as a man, and I am comfortable with the feminine nature I have, as well.  Thankfully, I’m more at peace with myself, than I have ever been in the past, with respect to my gender and sexuality.

 

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38 thoughts on “The Opposite Gender: A Wish, A Reality, A Fantasy?”

  1. I Did not know it was hard for you in that way. But am glad you are holding on. Glad that my post made you open up more and am sorry if it made you feel some type of way. Honestly, i had a battle with this sexuality thing before. I remember I dated a girl once upon a time. She was the ‘male’, i was still me.. she was an amazing human being. It got to a point I thought I was a lesbian for real. The pain I felt when she played me was hurt breaking. But she did play me becaus she knew I wasn’t fully lesbian… maybe to her I was just experiencing being a woman. But it hurt so bad. For a long time, i was interested in girls. And I would feel the same, act manly when with the girls but act girly when with the boys..
    Maybe for me it was just experiementing or maybe am bisexual too. I just havnt figures out which side but I don’t mind messing with a girl. But I have a boyfriend..

    Wow! Havnt ever opened about that. Was scared of judgement.. I guess that’s why I shared that post on ‘opposite sex’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No need to worry about judgment from me. 🙂 I appreciate you sharing, because in a way, it helps me think that I’m not so bad. I can say, I’m way past some of the worst times and I feel much better referring to myself as bisexual now…there was a time however, when I just thought I was a freak – How can you be straight and like guys? How can you be gay and like girls? All very confusing…trust me…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This may sound crude, but since a kid I’ve always wished I had a penis. I also fantasise about women a lot. Especially breasts. But I never want to be a woman with them. I have this really deep desire to be a man with them… To have a penis in them.
    . A real one… In school i used to joke about once being a man. Also in all those stereotypical jokes about men and women I always relate more to the jokes about men…. Its doesn’t say much. Growing up I was always one of the boys. I usually suck at making female friends. I went to an all girls school and I came out with one friend and we’re not even that close. On campus, and primary school, both Co ed environments, I was always surrounded by guys. I had fish fights with guys. I walked like a guy…. When I first sprouted breasts at age 11, i used to tape them up. I hated that they bounced. Til two years ago, I’d wear the tightest bra possible to minimise all bounce. I don’t want to be a man. But I’ve spent lots of my life wishing I was one. Only recently did I start accepting my curves, my boobs and my vag… Sorry if this is over share. I’m a little tipsy right now. U can totally delete this

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Funnily I never wanted to be a man. I am who I am and even with my own duality I don’t really want to grow a penis. 😂😂😂
    I like being female with a ton of male traits. There are lots of things I could discuss about it but it won’t be here in the open… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think you are amazing and there no mold that needs to be fit. Being yourself, no matter what that means, in what gender and what form is all that will ever matter. I know it might be easier said then done and the road truest to ourselves is often a lonely one as well. While we all look for acceptance, we should never lose sight of who we are and what makes us happy, regardless of others as if we lose ourselves otherwise. I’m bi as well and have a few other things that are often frowned upon. I’m glad you found acceptance here and I hope the real world opens up more as well. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi TS,
    I found this post when I needed to check if indeed you are a man. Wanted to say the next: I have issues on finding out yes or no I am either straight, gay or bi-sexual. I got introduced to these feelings when I had a flash-back experience of having a twin-brother dying next to me in the womb. Because of the enormity and realness (is that a word) and the overwhelm of this sudden experience which actually sprung on me out of nowhere I tend to believe it is true. I had never heard of ‘vanishing twin syndrome’ but at that moment I started looking for info. I very much believe that my being interested in the same sex is not something which is my standard disposition but something which happened right there and then. Yes, sounds weird but this all came in a sort of epifany which made EVERYTHING in my life so clear, you can’t believe how deeply and completely I understood my troubles in life. Right at that moment I listed them to send to my therapist. A few weeks ago I found out that every point that I listed in that mail is a separate chapter in a book on vanishing twins that I read. So…. coincedence? I do not think so. Well, at least not for me. 🙂 And, in addition to that, when I finally understood this to the fullest, I stood on two legs for the first time in my life. I felt completely balanced internally – it was awsome. 🙂
    Hope this is helpful,
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can be whatever you want me to be… 😛 J/K
      I’m anatomically male! I enjoy some internal feminine stereotypes, but I am easily accepted as masculine and male by society.

      I really found this bit of yourself to be truly interesting and I would have to agree that your exploration of the Vanishing Twin and then finding out an entire book is devoted to the topic is NOT a coincidence. And it makes me hopeful that I’ll stand on two feet too, someday. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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