The thing about mood swings…

Today, I’m not feeling as excited as yesterday. In fact, I don’t feel well today. I feel like I’m sick to my stomach, like my blood sugar is high. Well, I know it’s high…I tested it this morning and it was very high. So, I’m in the process of treating it and getting it lower. This always creates a level of guilt in me. I think it stems from a nurse that was assigned to me when I was a kid and treating my diabetes.  She used to guilt trip me into taking care of myself. Granted, I probably needed it, but it doesn’t sit well with me to this day. So, when I have high blood sugar, I always feel like I did something wrong – irrelevant of the fact that the very nature of type 1 diabetes is the difficulty in managing blood sugars.

But I did do something wrong yesterday. I had one of my bosses in town and he invited me to dinner. I went and ate the biggest bowl of pasta and chicken with alfredo sauce. And downed three beers with it.  I knew I was on a new path, because I was so excited yesterday to not let my situation topple me over. I was feeling like I could do this, like I am going to survive. And then, I went against basic common sense and did something that I knew was not the healthiest choice. And this morning, I am suffering for it.  My head hurts, my stomach feels nauseated, I’m pissing every 30 minutes (one of the many joys of the body’s response to high blood sugar).

I don’t want to feel bad today. Yesterday was such an emotional high and today I feel like an idiot. Today I feel like I failed myself. I feel like I’ve given up on all the self-discipline I used to have. I feel like I can’t really recover from the negative attitude of giving up and delving back into depression.

But I recognize that this is the onset of anxious thinking… I’m predicting future outcomes before they happen, and I know that I need to change me thinking. I need to deal with the problem now, because right now is all I can handle. I’ll worry about the decision to drink a beer or the decision to eat properly when that time comes. Right now, the only thing that matters is dealing with my high blood sugar.  That is the primary reason I don’t feel well at this moment…

…because I feel a major mood swing coming.

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17 thoughts on “The thing about mood swings…”

  1. Hi guys,
    I’m forming a support group for people suffering from anxiety and clinical depression. Those who are recovering or have completely recovered are welcome too.
    If you are, or anyone you know is suffering from it please share this with them personally and ask them to message me on wordpress or email me on neha.bhageria@gmail.com without any hesitation.
    Please note that anybody who wants to get help need not feel scared or intimidated or worry about what others will think. This will be a safe space only for people going through similar issues. For them to know they are not alone and actually interact with people who really get them and understand what it feels like, knowing they will not be judged and will only get compassion and help in return. Above all, it is for them to share their experiences, what has worked for them, what hasn’t and what they think can be done to help another person. Also, it will include small small activities which will help them remember how blessed and loved they are, bring back the joy and enthusiasm for life they once had, feel free to do things that make them happy, motivate each other, move from fear to faith, feel the power within them to overcome any obstacle and achieve any goal, realizing that impossible is nothing.
    Please remember this would be completely free. And it is only a support group to help those who need it but can’t or don’t ask for it. It is NOT a replacement for any kind of medication or therapy. Please share it with everyone you know in whichever way you see fit, so we can help a larger group of people. Lots of love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi,

      I appreciate the random comment. I have decided to put this request in its own post, because it might be seen a little more readily there. I am glad to offer some sort of reference to others and I assume your only desire is to help.

      Thank you, for stopping by.

      Like

  2. Depression can also be because of sugar. It’s a journey. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It’s all clichés but it’s true. To stay committed to something, you have to choose it every day even if the current day is hard or you’re just not feeling it. Every morning you wake up and You have to remake that decision. It’s a journey 🙂 you can do it. One step at a time
    One day at a time

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 🙂 Yeah, the consequences of our behaviour… Good thing: your body tells you EXACTLY what is not good for you. Which is logical because the feeling good or bad is supposed to be a guideline to what we do. It is just that in in this fully addicted world everybody tends to think that it should be the doctor who fixes us with pills instead of us taking care of our life. Like my high bloodpressure; it is an indication that I am on the wrong path. A build in navigator. How cool?
    Btw: do you know diabetes-warrior.net? There is a guy who cured his diabetis and lives without insuline ‘just’ by adjusting his food intake. Just the other day a FB acquaintance told me the diet actually really does work for him too.
    Hope you feel better soon. 🙂
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He must be a type 2 diabetic, that’s is handled by diet and exercise, primarily, and sometimes with medication. I am a type 1 diabetic…there is no known cure, because the pancreas stopped producing insulin, due to the body’s immune system attacking and destroying beta-cells.

      Like

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