Okay, so I just got done commenting on another blogger’s post today that really had me stop in my tracks and realize something: Does it REALLY matter, if I am an alcoholic or not, if I KNOW that what I’m doing doesn’t serve my goal of greater health? No, of course not. I’m still not sure if I am an alcoholic or not, but I’m obviously not doing things that are logical. I mean, I struggle with mental health issues, and I’d like to think they are acute and not chronic, but it makes absofuckinglutely no sense for me to be pouring gasoline on a fire (Just in case some of you aren’t aware, alcohol is a depressant).
On my post, from earlier today, I was referencing that I was feeling like crap and I was trying to blame it on my diabetes, but that IS crap. BECAUSE, I’m a diabetic, the decisions I make should be about doing what’s best for my health – PERIOD! (I love ironies…I used an exclamation point to emphasize a period…hehehehe). This reminds me of that old adage, “Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one”, and it is so true. But I had one follower express to me I’m “not an idiot” and I really appreciate the positive encouragement, because the reality is that pulling together for people is what life is really about, isn’t it?
The bottom line is that I have a ton of things going on and I WANT to do things that handle my challenges in a positive way, so I need to do exactly that. I’m not sure if I’m an alcoholic, but I damn well know I’m treating my stress in life with alcohol. I want to be healthy, but I am not making those decisions. This shit MUST change NOW! I always like the fact that I’m able to pull myself up and start a new day, but I’m beginning to think that new day would be better if I didn’t have to repeat it over and over and over again. So, fuck it…I screwed up, but I made the attempt. Today is another day, and although it began a little rough, I’m recovering, eating right and drinking water (okay, I had a cup of coffee this morning) and I can make it.
So, maybe I’m not an alcoholic, and maybe I am, but does it matter? I can still be on…
I fucking deserve to live!
(Again, I apologize for the vulgarity, but I’m a little pumped up.)