I’m Calling Bullsh^t On Myself.

Okay, so I just got done commenting on another blogger’s post today that really had me stop in my tracks and realize something: Does it REALLY matter, if I am an alcoholic or not, if I KNOW that what I’m doing doesn’t serve my goal of greater health? No, of course not. I’m still not sure if I am an alcoholic or not, but I’m obviously not doing things that are logical.  I mean, I struggle with mental health issues, and I’d like to think they are acute and not chronic, but it makes absofuckinglutely no sense for me to be pouring gasoline on a fire (Just in case some of you aren’t aware, alcohol is a depressant).

On my post, from earlier today, I was referencing that I was feeling like crap and I was trying to blame it on my diabetes, but that IS crap.  BECAUSE, I’m a diabetic, the decisions I make should be about doing what’s best for my health – PERIOD! (I love ironies…I used an exclamation point to emphasize a period…hehehehe).  This reminds me of that old adage, “Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one”, and it is so true. But I had one follower express to me I’m “not an idiot” and I really appreciate the positive encouragement, because the reality is that pulling together for people is what life is really about, isn’t it?

The bottom line is that I have a ton of things going on and I WANT to do things that handle my challenges in a positive way, so I need to do exactly that. I’m not sure if I’m an alcoholic, but I damn well know I’m treating my stress in life with alcohol. I want to be healthy, but I am not making those decisions.  This shit MUST change NOW! I always like the fact that I’m able to pull myself up and start a new day, but I’m beginning to think that new day would be better if I didn’t have to repeat it over and over and over again. So, fuck it…I screwed up, but I made the attempt. Today is another day, and although it began a little rough, I’m recovering, eating right and drinking water (okay, I had a cup of coffee this morning) and I can make it.

So, maybe I’m not an alcoholic, and maybe I am, but does it matter? I can still be on…

Day 1!

I fucking deserve to live!

(Again, I apologize for the vulgarity, but I’m a little pumped up.)


23 thoughts on “I’m Calling Bullsh^t On Myself.”

  1. I love it when you get all fired up. I’m fond of saying anger is an energy. Getting little pissed off feels good to me.(Not saying I want to be mad all the time, mind you…) but it makes me take action. I’m thinking maybe you’re like that, too. Day One: you do fucking deserve to live! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You had me worried. You know what I mean.
    At least you’re better now.
    Dinners and work events will happen. If you can make the right choices on the other days, these events won’t be a problem. I think it was bad timing. It happened just as you had made your decision and felt so pumped. Don’t stay down. Be sure you deserve better.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fuck it….you did screw up….but we all do it!!!!there’s not one person on this planet who doesn’t. ..although there are many that won’t admit it….!!but you have….and bloody good on you….you know you want change and you know where you need to head to….you will make it….and so what if u slip along the way….no none remembers the hand but everyone remembers the win x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m the same exact way !! I drink to deal with life . I have no idea if I’m an alcoholic but I’m sure life would be better for me without alcohol in it. I also suffer from mental health issues and alcohol definitely doesn’t help it. I feel your struggle . Keep your head up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the comment! I appreciate the support and I am in no position to decide if another person is an alcoholic or not, and truthfully, it’s something I go back and forth on. I’m sure, on some level, just accepting that as a reality would give me a path to dealing with it; but, I have this idea that by admitting it, I’m admitting defeat. Admitting defeat is so against my character, that it is a tough place to be.
      For now, I’m refraining. But I do know that the alcohol is only fuel for mental health issues.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s