Am I…?

…an alcoholic?

This question has truly plagued me the past couple of years. And today, I read another blog discussing the proverbial “yets” that are the warning signs for alcoholics that recognize their ailment before having any major negative impacts to their lives. But the “yets” might also be the exact reason some people simply do not drink to excess. But it also makes me wonder where I sit in this questioning?

The truth of the matter is that I’m not sure I am an alcoholic. I am under the impression that alcoholics can’t stop drinking after one drink, but I do stop. I typically stop after two or three beers. Granted, I have had times where I drank a 6-pack or more, but those were rare circumstances. There have also been times where I drank “hard stuff” and I stopped because I didn’t like what it did to me, I didn’t like how I felt when I woke up after having drank hard stuff. An alcoholic has no ability to stop after the first drink, but I do stop on a regular basis.

I didn’t drink a beer today. I made the decision not to, because I had some leftover food in the little refrigerator in my hotel room. I also decided that I probably need to be cost conscious right now. An alcoholic wouldn’t care, would they? I’ve also decided on other occasions not to drink a day or two, as well. Plus, I had almost gone a full 90 days, back in April.

I think my main concern is that I use alcohol to numb my mind. I don’t want to think, sometimes, and I know it will have that exact effect. I’m not convincing myself that life will be better, that beer will somehow make me happy. I don’t have that delusion, so that means I’m not an alcoholic, right?

The bottom line is that I don’t know. I simply believe I am capable of not doing it and I believe I am capable of stopping, if I were drinking.


21 thoughts on “Am I…?”

  1. TS, you asked me a while ago if I was alcohol free. I told you no. I have a drink whenever I happen to desire a glass of wine or something a little stronger. The time between those drinks can be a week or two years. I drink when I decide I want a drink.

    That wasn’t always the case. I was raised in a violent and irresponsible alcoholic home and hated every minute of it. They started every day with drink and ended each the same way.

    I left home at 17 determined not to be like them. Then life showed me how cruel and uncertain it could be and I started to handle it the way I’d learned as a child. By the time I was in my thirties I was drinking alone and at all times of the day. I drank whenever I didn’t want to feel the pain.

    I never missed a day of work, I made it to church every Sunday, I made it to every sporting event and I was always dependable. I was becoming my father – a functional alcoholic. The day that hit me between the eyes, I poured the liquor/wine out and started dealing with and healing the pain.

    I refused then and refuse now to be controlled by anything other than my own mind, heart and soul. Even if it hurts.

    You know why you’re drinking and you know the effect it can and will have on you. You know if it’s relaxing or if it’s avoiding. You know because you are a wise soul. Do what you need to do to get where you want to be. Many people believe in you; myself included.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Although, this whole comment is meaningful, one thins slaps me upside the face: “I refused then and refuse now to be controlled by anything other than my own mind, heart and soul. Even if it hurts.”

      You are correct. I appreciate and value your directness. โค

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My step dad went thru a phase after his first marriage when he drank a lot. He stopped for quite a while, went to AA and continues to go to al-anon 40 plus years later. I’ve seen him have a drink or two but never to excess, like you said, he used the alcohol to numb pain and life. Then he stopped

    Liked by 1 person

  3. In my opinion, an addiction is when you feel you need something to cope with every day life. When you can’t stop it. Like I don’t have a lot of sugar but I have a sugar addiction. There’s moments where I feel if I don’t have sugar I’m going to lose it. I had a friend who only had two cigarettes a day. When partying the number could go up to ten but he rarely partied so it was rare that he smoked thatmuch. However, when he tried to stop, he obsessed about it. He started smoking around 6 a day In the week he tried to stop. But that’s just my opinion. I wouldn’t label yourself an alcoholic. There’s no need for labels In life. I think it’s just about being aware and you seem like you are aware of your intake. It’s not like you think you don’t drink a lot or think you only drink on weekends bur the person you live with would say you drink about 3 cans/bottles/cups on average every night and they can’t remember when they spent a sober night with you. I think then drinking would be an issue. But it seems you have this together.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t think you are an alcoholic. I never have.The simple fact that you can stop and choose days when you don’t drink says it.
    I drink in similar ways. I can spend weeks without having a single drink and then there comes that horrible days when evething is against you at work and you just think to yourself “I need a bloody drink. Strong!”
    Then come some weekends, you want to relax and you have a few too many. So what? We are allowed.
    That’s just my opinion…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Have you tried sitting in on an AA meeting and just listening? You don’t have to speak or explain why you’re there. Just tell them you want to come for a week or two and listen.

    If you decide it isn’t for you, you can just stop going. No worries. It’s just information gathering.

    Liked by 1 person

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