QFMR: Ever been emotionally confused?

Yesterday, I mentioned an argument I had with my wife. Today, I’m getting a message from her that is not clear, insinuating that our marriage is now done and she is ready to move on.  I asked her to be direct, because I’m not very good at reading between the lines, but I have not heard from her.  We have been arguing for the past 4 months about one issue: a job I was offered that was in another state.  We are not in an ideal situation, but I feel like it is the best option we have for the time being and she feels like I don’t care anything about her or her point of view.  I’m not going to go into details, because there is so much to say about this topic and ultimately, it leads into so many other issues in our marriage, it’s become a 20 year long battle (Trust me, I am not exaggerating).

The point is, I was told, though unclearly, that we are finished and that I need to move on and she will do the same.

And 3 main feelings ran through me in an instant: pain, anger, and relief.

I’m choosing to not react to any of it, because I can’t tell if it’s a manipulation or authentic. So, I’m simply doing the things I believe to be the best options, right now.

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But, my question for all of you:

Have you ever felt emotionally confused – like unsure what you are SUPPOSED to feel?

How did you handle it?

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31 thoughts on “QFMR: Ever been emotionally confused?”

  1. Have you ever felt emotionally confused – like unsure what you are SUPPOSED to feel? Pretty much ever damn day

    How did you handle it? It’s really a case by case basis… if it’s with/about someone that care about and have history with, I generally try to be thoughtful to a much deeper level so that I know if I decide to agree to their terms I’ve also come to conclude that even if it hurts, there can be no regrets… That happened after my first marriage. It was tough but needed.

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    1. I struggle with that, because I have always heard from people – almost my entire life – that I am very thoughtful and conscientious of other people. But with my wife, she is the only person that has ever accused me of not caring…it’s a really difficult place to be, because I give her thoughts and feelings so much credence, that I attempt to see what I’m doing that creates this feeling…
      …I literally cannot see anyting I’m doing that would give the indication that I don’t care, other than sacrifice what I know is right.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. so that’s pretty tough…because either she’s making you THINK you’re careless or you’re missing an element of self-awareness/empathy to see where she’s coming from. It’s truly a challenge no matter how you slice it. And often an exhausting one.

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        1. That is the EXACT things I try to express. I’ve never had anyone say it quite like that, but it is true… I do think I’m careless, as much as I want to care, so I begin looking for the ways I have lacked empathy. And I can’t see it…

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  2. I’m so sorry to hear about this; it sounds like a terribly hard thing to deal with. I have felt confused about my feelings before, and I have been in a much less serious version of that (my boyfriend of 5 years — which I realize is SO different than spouse of 20+ — decided to take a job several states away from me and we fought about it a lot and couldn’t seem to see each other’s perspective). I HIGHLY recommend reading the book “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. I think everyone should read it, but especially being in your situation you might find it helpful. I’ll definitely keep y’all in my prayers, though!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. I appreciate the well-wishings, for sure. It is a tough place to be, and I know I’m not innocent of some of the problems in our marriage, but I feel like I have changed in so many ways to try and mend the problems. Unfortunately, I feel like I have changed so much that I stopped liking myself, and now I’m trying to reclaim that pat of me that I like and it’s not being accepted very well. 🙂

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  3. Yes I’ve been through emotional confusion especially when the person directly involved isn’t bring totally clear or honest.

    I actually went silent and totally shut down communication i was willing to apologize if i was wrong but i didn’t know if i was wrong or right. So i kept off and kept busy at something totally different

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You know, as per your post last night, you had said you’d never been the one to end a relationship before and I was thinking about that. In one respect, here she is (if she’s really meaning what she says) giving you an out. She’s making the break. On one level you know or feel (at least) that this is the best thing for both of you – to go your separate ways. But on the other hand, if you’re never the one to make the break, then you’re the one that’s always getting dumped. You see what I’m saying? I’m no psychologist, but I would think that would have a profound effect on your self esteem after a while. “Everyone leaves me” is what always happens. Maybe, just maybe for once it would be better for you to make the decision if that’s what you truly want to do. I hope that helps and doesn’t hurt more. Because that would make me sad!

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  5. Let the storm waters receed a bit before you sail on the marriage thing. If at low tide you see nothing good on the horizon, perhaps it’s time to change your course.

    The job thing is a necessity and may even help allow the water to receed for you.

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  6. I have felt like that because often I don’t just have one emotion. You are in a hard situation. I hope that when you see her this weekend, you will both be in a space to have an open and calm discussion. But don’t forget what you want. ❤

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  7. I wish I could give some advice, but it may not be of much use for this specific situation.
    Just to let you know will be thinking about you.
    Sometimes Life sure does give out some shitty choices and it boils down to taking one and sticking with it, seeing it through.
    Take care

    Liked by 1 person

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