Standing up for myself.

My anxiety is setting in, but I stood up for myself today. I talked to my S.O. on the phone today and she asked me if I could leave work early on Friday. I explained that I didn’t think it was a good idea, because I felt like I have been taking a lot of time off. Instantly I received a negative attitude and I when I tried to continue the conversation, I received some passive aggression. So I expressed I would call later and hung up. The following text message occurred:

Her: Fuck off, you’re always just waiting for me to be upset so you can go fuck around, so tell me who is she, that keeps you in Wyoming? Why haven’t you already found an apartment for you both? Make sure your realtor doesn’t send me your emails about houses you want to see

Me: You’re so supportive. It’s amazing what a supportive wife you have been for the past 20 years.

Her: What a supportive husband you have been, other women and when that stopped depression for 10+ years, then drinking and now absenteeism . Don’t Fucken judge me

Me: I’ll be happy to talk with you about our situation Friday night, but I won’t tolerate being accused of cheating, nor accused of not being supportive of you any further.

Me: Until then, don’t call me unless it’s something I am actually capable of handling.

Her: You started with the accusations

Her: Hypocrite

Her: When you apologize for you r behavior then we can have a conversation

Me: I said nothing to you. You got bent because I’m not rushing home on Friday. You sent me the text accusing me of fucking around, another insinuation that I am not trying to get home, etc. All I did was respond to it by mocking your “support”.

Me: I’m done apologizing for your behavior.

I have not heard back from her, but tonight I have finally had enough. I do everything I can to make her happy. I’ve sacrificed my own beliefs, the things I enjoy and what I live about myself to make her happy. I’m even looking for jobs at home, so she can be happy, but it’s not happening soon enough for her.

I’m tired, I’m hurting, and I am at my breaking point.

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26 thoughts on “Standing up for myself.”

  1. Just asking, not implying, but that sounds like mudslinging beyond the norm for a marriage. Is this something you want to stay in, much less try to fight for? Those are serious words. Cut to the bone kinda stuff. Is it salvageable? Again, not implying, just asking.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Well, I guess we all have a breaking point, and can take just so much shit from another human being. You have to decide if you can either tolerate it or if y’all want to work together for change. If neither of those are gonna happen? It’s time to go. Just speaking for myself, I couldn’t deal with that very well. It’d be hard to leave something you’ve known for so long, but I couldn’t take another minute of being talked to like that.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hey, I read my response to you to my wife. I sincerely hope you aren’t offended or pissed that I did so. I gave her the basics, as I know them, what you’ve written, and I’ve read for some time now. She offered up a different perspective: she said that it’s really hard to put yourself in some one else’s relationship – no way to know the hurt that has been inflicted on either side, and therefore the anger and bitterness/insecurity they feel. We say nasty things to those we are closest to. We feed those emotions with life’s cumulative crap- past emotional baggage…and things explode. Add in distance and it could become a virtual spitting contest of venom. What my wife expressed was a great admiration for your willingness to take a position that is vital to your family’s provisions, in spite of being at great personal expense. She admires that you vent and seek an outlet for frustration while remaining loyal to a relationship that has battle scars. Tolerance of your partners emotional darts – but strength to draw your own line in the sand. There’s nothing as powerful as walking away from a conversation/argument that is going nowhere. You disengaged, and it may be a peek at your solution. In doing so, you made an investment in you, from you.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m not offended, in the least. Please extend my gratitude to your wife, I appreciate the alternative perspective. I’m not rushing into any decisions, but I am staying the course, because I prefer responsibility, in spite of the cost to me.
          Thank you, my friend.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, take a deep breath. I doubt if anything can be solved through text message. But… This sounds pretty bad to me, too… And I guess sometimes you just have to know when things are beyond salvage. No one else knows what it feels like to be you. I’m so sorry you’re going through all this.

    Liked by 1 person

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