It hit.

Tarnished Soul

I’m in the midst of a depressive episode right now. I think it’s the worst I have ever felt. I’m sitting in a restaurant all alone and I’m feeling like my life is shit. I hate that I lost my ability to make the best of any situation long ago. I fucking lost my ability to deal with my stress on my terms. I’m terrified of my future. I’m hurting, despite the fact that I am trying to be positive.

As I write these words – a desperate attempt to relieve the stress – I am feeling the self-hatred set in. I have been reading a book, but the advice escapes me at the moment. I feel my vision closing in, the circle of sight getting smaller, being swallowed by the cloud entering my mind. Soon everything will be bleak, dark, miserable. I feel it come over me like anot…

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9 thoughts on “It hit.”

  1. Please hang in there. Virtually holding and rocking with you because I’m feeling deep in that hole as well this week. Misery loves company, yeah? This is beautifully written by the way. But I’m sorry you’re in pain. 💚

    Liked by 1 person

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