SARD: Part 6 – High School, Dating, General Hormonal Insanity

My last post on my Sexual And Relationship Development (SARD) left off with me discussing my flirtations with boys. Now, I think it’s a good segue into discussing something that would be considered relatively “normal” by most teen standards. So, in this section, I’m going to discuss things from my high school years.

Part 6a: Ages High School

This time frame of my life, had me in a new school district. My parents moved between my 8th and 9th grade years in school. So, I found myself starting high school, with few friends and I was a shy kid to begin with. So my freshman and sophomore years were somewhat lonely. I did remain in touch with a few of my friends from my old school district, but only Rich was the one that would have had any inclination that I was bisexual. Of course, since that is not even something I called myself, it was never really discussed.

I remember most of my the things I did during this time were focused on me noticing girls more and more. I remember getting up during summer mornings, and going to watch the cheerleaders practice getting ready for the upcoming football season. I was beginning to notice the erections I was getting when certain girls would walk by me in high school. I would say 95% of my sexual desires were focused on girls – women, if you considered a few of the teachers and neighbors I fantasized about. I never really had any girlfriends, during this time, but I did want them. Girls were becoming a primary focus if mine.

Unfortunately, I never felt like I was a focus of theirs. I felt like I was the “little guy”, since my male class mates were growing larger – in height and muscle. I felt like the “ugly guy”, since most of the girls I liked always liked other guys. I felt awkward and I felt like I was unsure of myself when it came to talking to girls. I also began forming friendships with girls – many of whom would tell me “You make a better friend than a boyfriend”. There were no significant interactions with anyone during this time that made me feel like it added to my development in too many ways.

My same-sex interactions became less and less important to me during this time, because I was actively pushing it out of my mind. There were times I found myself oogling over a guy or two, and I would occasionally become aroused, but I noticed the attractions I had towards girls were much more intense. So, I began actively telling myself that “I am not gay, see, you LOVE women.” And eventually I began to assume that my only infatuation with guys was due to being sexually abused when I was young.

Eventually, as I entered my junior and senior years in high school, I was working part time, began working out, and would occasionally date. Dating guys was not even on my radar and I just assumed I would date girls. And I did. I tried finding dates all the time. I was flirting with girls left and right and began the inevitable childish game of getting numbers. You see, during this time, cell phones were still a far off reality – the closest thing was a brick phone, so you actually had to call girls at home and possibly talk to their parents, so things were slightly more formal then.

I was what every parent wanted for their daughters. I was polite, I was doing well in schoo, I would be going to college, I was respectful, and I was safe. Which was the exact opposite of what every girl wanted at that age. And because that was the case, I never actually lost my virginity until after high school was over. I was too nice – this is something I was told by a friend of mine, many years later and I can still see the words he typed me in a message, “{My real name}, You’re problem is you have no fucking idea how much chics love you and you fail to take advantage of it. You make them fall in love with you and then you don’t fuck ’em. That’s your problem.”  (Actually, I don’t know why I called that guy my friend…I think he’s a dick, come to think of it.).

Needless to say, I began thinking and assuming that I would never find a woman that would love me passionately. I began looking for relationships that I gave me comfort, rather than looking for relationships that put my feelings and emotions at risk. It was calculated.  It was safe. It was what I have been criticized about before – I fail to be vulnerable.


1 thought on “SARD: Part 6 – High School, Dating, General Hormonal Insanity”

  1. Ah, high school – a sexual smorgasbord for me! Plenty of girls to chase and screw and plenty of guys to fool around with on the sly, you know, lest your rep with the ladies got ruined. Since it didn’t matter to me who I slept with, I often found it interesting watching guys do what we’re supposed to do – chase girls, to see nice guys (and I was assumed to be one as well) finish last and the bad boys (I was really the guy parents warned their daughters about) got to have all the fun with girls who both wanted to be chased and caught… but not to be chased and caught.

    The plus for me was that the guys who couldn’t get the girls “had no choice” but to take the other alternative and I put it this way because that tsunami of male hormones is powerful and the need for sex – any kind of sex – is hard to ignore if not practically impossible. Guys dated girls… but neve other guys; we just got together, pulled out dicks out and did whatever had to be done – and then act like it never happened because in high school, image was the ONLY thing that mattered and the unspoken mantra was, “I won’t tell if you won’t, man…”

    Heaven for me, a hellish nightmare for most of my peers. I was the quiet, decent, respectable nerd that, as you said, parents just loved… but they never knew or guessed how much of a bad boy I really was. Guys like me weren’t supposed to get the girl but I did because I was one of those rare bad boys who ate pussy and did it like a fiend. I was nerdy enough for some guys to think me as gay and a target for being dicked… until they tried me and found out differently, that I had zero qualms about putting my good-sized cock in THEIR asses.

    I still say that my time in high school was the best time of my life…

    Liked by 1 person

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