Question for My Readers: Sacrificing of Oneself – when is it good and when is it bad?

Today, I read an article that was talking about what love is not.  It’s an intriguing post, and it is very thought provoking for me.  You see, I grew up as a catholic, and as many of you know, I have also struggled with my sexuality too – truly, there is a philosophical debate going on in my head almost all the time.  And, today I made a decision on something too. To me there is something about sacrifice that speaks to love. A catholic ideal, for sure, is to lay down one’s life for another – sometimes this is literal and sometimes it is metaphoric. The idea that sacrificing your happiness is somehow not love, because it makes us unhappy. Well, sometimes, there are things that make us unhappy that must be done for the benefit of others, don’t you think?  I once heard someone explain that love is not pretty, love is not a fairytale, love is not goosebumps and spine tingling; it sucks. Love completely sucks, because it is uncomfortable, causes you to be unhappy, causes you to go against your own thought process to make another happy, and it will create pain, because sacrifice is painful. I certainly am not one to partake in catholic theological beliefs anymore, for various reasons, but I also find some of them to be truly valauable.

But my sacrifices that I will be making for the near future will not be appreciated and they will not be noticed as sacrifices, but I know they are the right things to do. And yet, I still feel like I’m doing it out of a sense of love. So, this brings me to my question:


What are good sacrifices for love and what are bad sacrifices for love?

How do you reconcile them?


17 thoughts on “Question for My Readers: Sacrificing of Oneself – when is it good and when is it bad?”

  1. In love, sacrifice is always necessary, my friend. The question is, who deems the sacrifice to be good or bad?

    Is it an internalization of the sacrifice that draws that conclusion?

    We all must give of ourselves in some way, and give up parts of ourselves too. To me, it is only unbeneficial if the sacrifice goes unnoticed, is taken for granted or done for the wrong reasons. Reconcilation comes from knowing the other has made sacrifices as well.

    Perhaps I have given more questions to ponder, rather than answers. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Giving more questions to ponder is the advent of a great conversation, if you ask me. 🙂
      But you said something which is essentially my point in this post: “…or done for the wrong reasons…” What are the wrong reasons, what are the right reasons? How does one know?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hmm, I think one would have to evaluate the motive behind the sacrifice. As I said, is it an internalization of the sacrifice? I think if one has to question the sacrifice extensively, then, perhaps it is the wrong choice to make.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. oh I’m a eucharistic minister for the Catholic church…I consider myself just a christian…I brought communion to the homebound and bedridden…that has been an important part of my life…

    Liked by 2 people

        1. I understand catholic theology pretty well, so I understand a lot of the arguments against homosexual relationships on a intellectual aspect of catholic dogma, but it’s not something I can fully wrap my mind around. Hell, it’s something I can’t fully wrap my mind around. I even remember my therapist asking me, if I thought I could have a fulfilling life, if I chose to be in a relationship with one person – would I desire sex with the other gender?

          Liked by 1 person

          1. but all “sins” are created equal…there’s only one truth…Jesus Christ died for our sins…and there’s just no fucking way that I’m going to hell for anything I’ve done sexually or might in the future…

            Liked by 1 person

  3. A tough question. They say that love doesn’t come without sacrifice and the way we behave in love tends to prove that. We believe that any sacrifice we can make that will make someone else happy – even if it make you miserable, is a good sacrifice while any sacrifice that doesn’t lend itself to the betterment and improvement of love is a bad and selfish one.

    We all have this idea of what love is, what it looks and feels like, and even what things are to be done for the sake of love but since we can’t all unilaterally agree on these things, it makes being in love… interesting and problematic at best. Like, I know what it means to me and my lady agrees… in principle but has her own ideas about that. Men and women have always differed about this and the call for personal sacrifice usually begins with these fateful words: “If you really love them, you’ll…”

    I don’t know how many times I’ve asked myself why I have to sacrifice something, or why I have to sacrifice more than the person I’m in love with, that every time I make a sacrifice in the name of love, I lose something of myself and rarely, if ever, get something back to replace what was sacrificed.

    I’m told that this is what men are supposed to do and to not offer themselves up to sacrifice is just selfish and a clear indication that you don’t love your woman as much as you process and indeed, how many of us – men and women alike – say, “I love you, but…” and, thus, making love conditional, that there are limits to what we will sacrifice for the sake of love itself – yet, love is said to be unconditional and operates best when no conditions exist.

    Whether a sacrifice is good or bad depends on what’s being sacrificed and the value to the person making the sacrifice and I do not believe there is a clear cut way to define these things. We are told and accept by rote that if you dare to love, you will and must make sacrifices in the name of love up to an including making the ultimate sacrifice. But it’s not that sacrifices – usually in the form of one-sided compromises – happen; it’s when the thing that must be sacrificed cannot be sacrificed.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There are probably as many answers to this as there are people and then multiply that by the number of important circumstances in their lives…… Some answer uh?
    I think it comes down to a basic.
    “I’m going to sacrifice….It’s going to hurt…It has to be done,”…. that’s sort of ok.
    “I’m going to sacrifice…Oh woe is me…Am I not a hero for doing this? I am unappreciated! Curse you all!”….that’s bad.
    To put it another way if you do it because it has to be done and accept the burden that’s taking the tough call. If you are going to do it while hoping it all works out badly for others and not for you, then that’s not going to carry you through; bitterness does not feed you well (I know)
    Quote from Michael Herr’s book ‘Despatches’ …”Boy, you sure get some shitty choices,” the young marine said.

    Liked by 1 person

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