My mind is clear on this – for now.

Last week, I discussed a major decision I needed to make. Well, I made the decision – I simply cannot turn my back on the job and opportunity I have been given.  I don’t like the circumstances I am in.  But I fell back on my principles and made a decision to control the situation I am in, rather than let the situation control me.  I mentioned my spouse is not wanting to take the best path for our family, but like I mentioned to her once before, I will take the best path for my family – even if it means to sacrifice my comfort on some level.

In making the decision, I am making, I am getting major guilt-trips. I feel different though, because I feel like I am personally being fucked in either decision I make, so I made the decision that benefits the most people and not just one or two people.  I am being accused of lying, of not caring, of all the dirty, dastardly things that make me hate myself – and yet, I don’t give a fuck how I feel at the moment, because I am making the decision that benefits my entire family.

You see, I have been working in Wyoming for the past four months and I have been asked to relocate. No one in my family wants me to take the job, no one wants to go, but I have been looking for work for well over a year. Unfortunately, the only other jobs I can find don’t pay much. I was even offered a position that would keep me in Colorado, this past Friday; but, it paid a third of what I am making in Wyoming and it comes with no benefits.  The only jobs my wife is finding are jobs that would also only pay a third of what the job in Wyoming pays.  Even when threatened with divorce, this job I have now can have the pay split right down the middle and it would still pay my wife more than either she and I make in Colorado.  Based on our debts, I MUST accept my lot in life and roll with this situation.

Granted, I am going to continue to look for work back home, but I must throw myself into this new job with 100% effort. I can no longer afford to have one foot in and one foot out. I am going to be looking for an apartment and visiting home on the weekends, until there is a need to make another decision. Although, my wife is refusing to take my hand and make this work together, I have to make the best decision for my family. And it might result in a divorce and it might not, but I can’t really worry about it anymore. I have made my decision…

…and some peace has entered my mind – and I don’t even know what the outcomes will be.


19 thoughts on “My mind is clear on this – for now.”

  1. One of the hazards of being the head of the household is that we often have to make decisions that aren’t gonna be popular and will make those we are responsible for very unhappy. In those moments, I used to ask my ex, “Do you have a better idea or plan?” and she never did – but I knew she wouldn’t, not because she wasn’t smart but because I knew she’d see the same conclusion I would come to and she would protest the decision just to be protesting.

    I even told her once, “If you don’t like the way I’m handling shit around here, feel free to leave but this is gonna happen no matter if you stay not not.”

    Ugly moments, to be sure, and there’s always that moment when you wonder if you really did make the best possible decision but I’ve learned, as so many have, that doing nothing or maintaining the status quo will not improve a bad situation so you must act whether the decision to do so is favorable or not.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This seems like the best and logical choice to me, too. I am glad you were able to come to a decision. I’m sorry you’re facing continued personal drama over this but, hopefully with time, your wife will see that there were no better options. Wishing peace and resilience for you my friend! xo

    Liked by 1 person

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