Last week, I discussed a major decision I needed to make. Well, I made the decision – I simply cannot turn my back on the job and opportunity I have been given. I don’t like the circumstances I am in. But I fell back on my principles and made a decision to control the situation I am in, rather than let the situation control me. I mentioned my spouse is not wanting to take the best path for our family, but like I mentioned to her once before, I will take the best path for my family – even if it means to sacrifice my comfort on some level.
In making the decision, I am making, I am getting major guilt-trips. I feel different though, because I feel like I am personally being fucked in either decision I make, so I made the decision that benefits the most people and not just one or two people. I am being accused of lying, of not caring, of all the dirty, dastardly things that make me hate myself – and yet, I don’t give a fuck how I feel at the moment, because I am making the decision that benefits my entire family.
You see, I have been working in Wyoming for the past four months and I have been asked to relocate. No one in my family wants me to take the job, no one wants to go, but I have been looking for work for well over a year. Unfortunately, the only other jobs I can find don’t pay much. I was even offered a position that would keep me in Colorado, this past Friday; but, it paid a third of what I am making in Wyoming and it comes with no benefits. The only jobs my wife is finding are jobs that would also only pay a third of what the job in Wyoming pays. Even when threatened with divorce, this job I have now can have the pay split right down the middle and it would still pay my wife more than either she and I make in Colorado. Based on our debts, I MUST accept my lot in life and roll with this situation.
Granted, I am going to continue to look for work back home, but I must throw myself into this new job with 100% effort. I can no longer afford to have one foot in and one foot out. I am going to be looking for an apartment and visiting home on the weekends, until there is a need to make another decision. Although, my wife is refusing to take my hand and make this work together, I have to make the best decision for my family. And it might result in a divorce and it might not, but I can’t really worry about it anymore. I have made my decision…
…and some peace has entered my mind – and I don’t even know what the outcomes will be.