I began this series of my sexual and relationship development by discussing what is a tragic event in my life, but I don’t believe it has defined me. In this segment, I’m going to discuss childhood and some of the things that may or may not have an impact, but they are certainly things I remember.
Part 2: Grade school, age 6-12
Although a lot of this time has been forgotten and the dates and chronology of events are a bit fuzzy, there are things I remember that kind of stand out in my mind. For example, grade school should be considered some of the most innocent times of our lives, and for the most part it was for me too. But here is a rendition of some of the significant things I remember:
Kissing: My earliest recognition of a French kiss was when I was 7 or 8 years old. My family had some family friends with a girl that was roughly my same age. We used to go camping together every year and I really enjoyed playing with this girl. Well, one particular camping trip, she (Melissa), my cousin (Marie) and I were playing together and I remember playing around some rocks – quite a ways away from our camping spot. My cousin noticed I liked the girl and she took it upon herself to tell the girl I liked her. And before you know it, Marie was encouraging Melissa and I to French Kiss. I remember putting my arms around her and planting my tongue straight in her mouth. Of course, Melissa seemed to enjoy it, because she did the same. No sooner did we do that, then we were both running back to camp and hiding in our respective campers. Although, she and I had seen each other on different occasions, we never actually shared another kiss. I remember one time in middle school, during camping (of course), we talked about being boyfriend and girlfriend, but we lived in different states. Unfortunately, I don’t believe I have seen her since I was about 14 or so.
I think I was 10 or 11 when I kissed another girl. Her name was Kim and she was a couple of years older. I remember all of her friends and all of my friends were down at a local park and we were all egging each other on and she pointed at me and said she wanted to make out with me. I felt like a little stud at the time, because I was being cheered on by my friends in making out with one of the girls in the neighborhood that was really hot.
Another time, when I was in about the 5th grade – 11 years old – there was a girl I went to school with named Jenny. I thought Jenny was pretty; we were out at recess and I asked her if I could kiss her. She kicked me in the balls – and turned my dick black and blue (No worries, it works fine today and no damage). I told my parents that night what had happened and after they did their best job at being doctors and telling me it looked like everything was fine, they kept an eye on me to make sure I was okay. Luckily, everything was okay. Obviously, Jenny was NOT the girl for me, but it also made me feel like I was an ugly turd or something. I mean, for crying out loud, I asked…I was always taught to ask before touching, so to be reacted to in this respect, made me feel like a bad person for doing that.
There was not a lot of making out with girls, like some of the people at school seemed to do on a regular basis. I always felt like I was an unpopular kid, because you always heard about how much kissing other kids were doing. And I was rarely included in social activities with a lot of other kids. No, I was a “misfit”, so-to-speak. And sometimes, this led me to think it was part of what led to my bisexuality – the idea that maybe girls weren’t attracted to me, and therefore, I should consider the other gender.
With that in mind, however, I never kissed or was kissed by boys during my gradeschool years. I know there were times I was curious about doing it, but already then I felt that there were social pressures on the idea that this would make me a “fag”. There are times, I have wondered, what would have happened to me, if a boy wanted to kiss me. Would I have said “yes”?