On Being Bisexual: My Personal Perspective

I’m not very open about my sexuality. In fact, I don’t go around waving a flag or attending pride celebrations (this one was an exception). But I am bisexual and I am open about it online.  It’s easy here; it’s easy, because I don’t open up myself to direct identification.  I’m sure the people, in real life, that know me would be able to piece things together in this blog and know that it’s me, but I still like the shred of anonymity I feel here.  I suppose there are many different aspects of my sexuality that are…hmm…I guess unique, but at the same time, not nearly as shocking to this current society that it would have been at one time. But, I am more comfortable with myself than I have felt in a long time.

As many of you know, I have struggled with my sexuality for years.  There are a lot of things that I have not fully reconciled and I am in constant evolution. I’m giving this more and more thought based upon how many of the current events in my life are unfolding.  For example, I am on the brink of a marriage ending.  This is still up in the air and I’m not sure where it’ll be next week, let alone in a year.  My wife is aware of my sexuality, but it has not been an issue in our marriage.  Sure, there have been discussions, but it has not been something we couldn’t work out. My marital issues have little to do with sex or my sexuality, but I’m mentioning it because of the prospect of being single again.  The truth of the matter is that I don’t know how to do single.  It’s been years since I have asked anyone, or anyone has asked me, out on a date. Granted, it’s not something I need to be concerned about, but the thoughts have come up lately.  I don’t know how to be single, so I don’t know how to date anyone. I suppose on some level, I can just roll with it, or him, or her… 😛

But my experiences with dating, relationships and sex are somewhat skewed, I think.  You see, I have never really dated guys. I have enjoyed them on a physical level, but I have never been in a relationship with one.  Sometimes I have pondered the ins and outs of same-sex relationships.  Sometimes I have heard that for us bisexuals that dating the same sex should be no different than dating the opposite sex – there are things about you that need to be compatible with someone else.  Although, I agree with this, I’m unsure how to tell what is and what is not compatible – besides, if I understood that, maybe I could have made my marriage last, huh?

This sort of gives some credibility of one particular critique of bisexuals: We don’t know what we want.  This is a stereotype us bisexuals are supposed to hate.  But when I contemplate this a little bit, I look at the over 50% divorce rate in the USA and I think to myself, “Well, at least half of married couples really didn’t know what the fuck they wanted either…”. Because, I think not knowing what you want is the point of dating in the first place, right?  I mean, there is always going to be that portion of any potential relationship where you are in exploration mode – some people should spend more time here, but who am I to judge, huh?

I’m rambling…

Let me get back to my perspective on bisexuality.

I’m in a weird spot in life. I have major life changes going on, but I know for me I love having a partner in life. I love having someone to share things with, I love having someone to spend my free time with.  Granted, I enjoy being alone at times too, but I know that I want to be able to share myself with someone else and I would love to have someone share themselves with me.  There is something enjoyable about that aspect of a relationship.  The thing is, I’m stuck on the idea that it should be one gender or the other and sometimes I wonder if one gender has purely sexual appeal or if it can be something I can enjoy physically and emotionally. I know I have enjoyed women on both levels; but with men, I wonder what’s possible.  And this leads me to wonder if I have the time..or even desire..to explore that option.  Granted, it has been a really long time since I have had sex with another person – male or female – so, there is that whole dynamic of even getting to a point where sex enters the picture, but I wonder what’s possible.

I think I have a better understanding of what I enjoy sexually now, as compared to when I was younger, but I contemplate the concept of sex versus the concept of a relationship.  There is something that is distinctly “easy” about sex, but that is not my ultimate desire. I already know that I want to be in another relationship, eventually.  I know this is something I shouldn’t rush and I should wait until there is finality in my marriage, but it is something I have contemplated.  I also have wondered how open I should be about my sexuality. Is there some sort of rule that you need to identify your previous sex life with any potential partners?  There is this idea, as well, that bisexuals can never be satisfied with one gender over the other (This is a big misunderstanding, by the way), but I find sex to be satisfying, in general; and sex can be dissatisfying when either person loses interest.

Also, there is always an expected behavior that other men have for guys to establish masculine norms.  I have lived up to many of those in my lifetime – beer drinking, weight lifting, getting into fights, having jobs that are male dominated, dick size comparison (Okay, that was kind of a lame joke, but you get my point).  I have never felt overly comfortable being that way – under constant competition. In fact, I actually hate it.  But there is something a lot of women find attractive about that kind of guy – in fact, a lot of the men I am attracted to are that kid of guy.  It makes it a weird dichotomy for me, when I think about it.  The men I am attracted to are the kinds of men that exhibit some traditional masculinity (On a clean level, mind you…nice teeth, clean shaven, and showered is a great start); likewise, the women I’m attracted to are the ones that exhibit some traditional feminine stereotypes.  Granted, some of characteristics have changed in our evolving society, but I still tend to go after the women that are “womanly” and I go after the men that are “manly”.

But as I gain some self-acceptance in my sexuality, as I manage the changing events in my life, as I go through hardships and successes, I am finding myself pondering how I “should” be versus how I am.  Unfortunately, I worry a little too much about how I am, because I’m not so sure anymore.

This will be a topic I return to, I’m sure.

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26 thoughts on “On Being Bisexual: My Personal Perspective”

              1. It’s genuine. You’re one of my oldest (longest standing) people here, because you’ve always brought buckets to bleed to the table along with your logical observations and unfailingly supportive encouragement. I treasure the human being you are at your core, truly….I could care less who you’re fucking or want to fuck.

                Liked by 1 person

  1. I like this writing! Almost everyone struggles with this and some much more than others. With us, there’s the perception of what men are supposed to be like and all that but being bisexual teaches us that we can fit the general descriptions assigned to us as men… and still be more than that. I’m a guy, done all the guy stuff including comparing dick size and I’ve done my share of flooding areas with massive amounts of testosterone; I’ve served my country with pride and honor, married, fathered and raised children, worked until I could retire and, in the whole, have done everything a man is expected to and the only thing that makes me different from other guys is that, um, I also like having sex with guys, too.

    It’s not about what I’m supposed to be – it’s about what I can do with who and what I am and in my old age now, eh, that’s been easy because I know who and what I am and, importantly, what I’m capable of, not “merely” as a man but as a human being and doing my best to maximize my potential. Once I realized that struggling with this was just me fighting against myself, I saw how dumb it was to be my own worst enemy because I like pussy and dick – so I stopped beating myself up because none of that has nothing to do with being the best person I can be.

    I know what people expect me to be – kinda hard not to know that but my job, my main purpose in this life, is to be who I need to be and a part of that is being bisexual. There are those who ain’t feeling that and I get that… it’s still my life, my choices, and the way I can enjoy this life for as long as I’m able to…

    Because I’m just being me and it’s not hard for me to be me.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I continue to believe in you and that you can get your head firmly around this. Yeah, I kick your butt at times but not in a mean way but to keep reminding you that I defeated all of this crap before I was 16 so, yeah, it can be done… and you will defeat the struggle, too.

        I just know you will.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post, thanks for sharing. 🙂 I’m still trying to figure out my own sexuality… It seems like just when I’m sure, something happens and I’m unsure again. Wish my mind would just make up it’s mind already. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was like that for a long time. It’s comments like yours that makes me wish I kept my old blog…lol…I had an entire category dedicated to my sexual development. I discussed so many of the things I went through to try and figure out what I was. I think for me, it boils down to the fact that I have enjoyed sex with guys and I have enjoyed sex with girls, so it was sort of a cut & dry definition of being bisexual. I had a therapist express to me once that there was no need to label it, that maybe the label was what caused me anxiety and that maybe just realizing I had enjoyed sex with someone at different points in my life, is all that mattered.
      I don’t know, really, I am only one person and I can only offer my own perspective. Everyone is different and can only offer their own perspective.

      Like

    1. Yeah, ambiguities kinda bite the big one…lol

      I’m doing okay, it’s just things are crashing and falling into place at the same time, if that makes any sense.

      And thank you, for the compliment, I’ve always intended my blog to be as honest as I can make it. I’m not comfortable revealing myself on any grand scale, but I have found this allows me the platform to deal with things that are so incredibly personal. 🙂
      thank you for your comment, of course! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Isn’t that always the way? Everything all at once! I’ve often wished I were a little more anonymous here on my blog for that very reason… Being able to reveal more of my inner self. I don’t have many (any) in my life that get a glimpse of my demons!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I admire the honesty and clarity you put into this post.
    Here’s wishing you the very best of good fortune in your journey.
    As I see it as long as adults treat each other with love (or compassions/friendship); and try not to hurt each other (well we all do that, without trying!) then it’s fine by me.

    Liked by 2 people

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