Giving Myself a Fair Shake

Yesterday, I was having a tough time with my anxiety.  I had so many thoughts swirling around my head and I had so many pressures going on, that I couldn’t function at my optimum.  I even began a post yesterday to try and sort through my emotions and feelings, but I ended up deleting it. I realized my post was sounding like complete gibberish.  I imagine gibberish to be more than words. To me, gibberish is like goulash on an emotional level. It’s a hodge-podge of various thoughts, various stresses, and various emotions all in one mental stew.  I had Hilda on deck and she was being a royal C U Next Tuesday.

Yes, she was telling me really negative things.  On the one hand, I want to visit them and deal with them, on the other hand I don’t want to give her the platform, because it could lead to much worse. So, I’m going to simply let it go, for now.  Because the reality is I know exactly where she was coming from, for a change. She was attacking my confidence and insecurities surrounding my new job and surrounding my inability to make decisions lately.  As some of you know, I have someone in my life that I have constantly been trying to make happy and I am getting to a point where I just don’t know that I can make that person happy; and more importantly, I am beginning to see that it’s not my responsibility to do so.  Trust me, I’m not completely past this, but it’s a step).

Today has gone a little better. I’m still overwhelmed by many of the things in my new job, but today I am organizing a little better and I am focusing on the things I can control right this moment.  Yesterday, I was overwhelmed with all of the requests for attention different matters needed; today, I accepted that I am one person and I can handle one thing at a time.

Today, I’m giving myself a fair shake.

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7 thoughts on “Giving Myself a Fair Shake”

    1. Oh thank you! I love hugs and I would gladly return it, of course. Well, I am in a better mood. I have a job that is highly stressful – I used to perform extremely well with high stress jobs, but I’m getting to a point in my life where I want to enjoy life. I’m hoping things here will change, but I have come to a point where I just try and accept things. 🙂
      I hope you are well!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome. Yeah I think as we get a little older we realize the ‘treadmill’ of work life isn’t the ‘real’ life. You get sucked into that sometimes when you’re just starting out. And the money is not worth the toll it takes on you over time. I hope your new job settles down to a manageable pace. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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