BYJ Day 5: Vision

Today’s topic is based on vision – what I might see for myself and my life. The questions asked this time are:

What is your vision for yourself? What do you wish or want for yourself? How is that different from who you are or where you are today? What do you think would make you feel more confident?

Honestly, I stopped imagining what I wanted for my life a long time ago. I suppose on some level, I converted my thinking from one of desire to one of figuring things out for survival. Answering what I want for myself is excruciatingly difficult, because it means I’ll develop expectations for myself and I’m afraid of being disappointed by not meeting those expectations. Years ago, I pursued what I wanted and what I desired only to find out that it would become a burden to me. That burden was because it wasn’t aligned with someone else’s view of life.

I’m pausing…the reality of what I am saying is hitting me and it’s not comfortable. I’m realizing I have up n what I wanted for myself…

I suppose, my vision in one that most anyone would want: to find love, happiness, a sense of purpose in life. I’ve discussed before (Essentially the intro to this blog…), that I struggle with a sense of purpose, but my vision has me living a life with intent. I find that is a source of confidence that is natural. I also struggle with relationships – namely my own value in relationships – so, my vision has me in a relationship where both myself and whomever I am with are passionate about one another, supportive of one another and fulfilling to one another. I think happiness will flow from these two things, naturally.

I also see myself as healthy, in shape, and physically appealing to others. It seems shallow, but I want to feel attractive. There was a time when I felt I turned a few heads, but now I don’t think I do.  But more importantly, I want to feel healthy, I want to love a life of activity, like I once did. I want to think that I’m making choices that are healthy and geared towards a good life.

I believe if I had all of this, I would be confident.


4 thoughts on “BYJ Day 5: Vision”

  1. The thing about visions is that we’re taught to establish one as soon as possible and then pursue to to the exclusion of all else, never being told or taking into consideration that external things can, simple, get in the way, even when one is single or, as Mike Tyson once said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face…”

    Life punches us in the face a lot; visions get distorted and more so when we start including others in our lives – girlfriends, wives, boyfriends, husbands, children, schooling, work, etc.. As such, visions wind up failing because we never learn to compensate or fail to do so in a reasonable amount of time (to,prevent potential disasters) and we tend to align ourselves with someone who has a different vision and one that, over time, displays an incompatibility that is often hard to fix.

    While it is safe to assume that we all want the same things in life, we don’t all go about this the same way and we need someone we may partner with to buy-in to our vision without giving a single thought to the fact that they might not buy-in to the extent expected or, over time, not at all. What most of us don’t learn is taking each other’s visions, disassembling them, and creating a single and new shared vision instead of continuing to work from two different ones.

    And, as we all eventually discover, chaos ensues as does several forms of disasters that bring death to relationships and leaves the participants wondering what the hell went wrong for things to end up so badly. Even when we are smart enough to create that shared vision, we often forget to make adjustments as required and adjustments that will not only insure that the shared vision can proceed by that also provide stability and a manageable equilibrium for when life starts rocking the boat or otherwise putting shit into the game.

    Even a shared vision can fail catestrophically due to unreasonable and/or unattainable goals, resistance to change when it’s clearly called for and worst of all, in my opinion, when someone decides they have reason to pursue their own agenda and also decides that the needs of the many do not outweigh the need of the few… or the one. Those individuals who have that “my way or no way” attitude also tend to fail to achieve visionary goals because they’re so sure that they are right that they’ll reject helpful input and fight hard against changes of any kind that they feel will impede their vision.

    Most people don’t understand something that military organizations do: All plans fail upon first contact with the enemy or simpler, the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray. So having a plan – having a vision – is a good thing but if that vision is inflexible, well, I think you know what’ll eventually happen.

    Is your vision flawed? Only people around you haven’t bought into it or they’ve decided to opt out in favor of their own agenda. You, sir, want what we all want out of life but the only person who has bought into your vision is you, it seems and even you don’t always seem confident in that vision and I’ve always said that once you lose your confidence in anything, you’re royally and unpleasantly fucked; if you can’t believe in your vision, no one else will.

    In a business and when a vision goes off the reservation, everyone gets together, analyzes the problems that caused the failure, then set about the daunting task of creating a new and, hopefully, better vision that will be easier to follow while producing more positive outcomes and minimizing the negative ones.

    Have you done this? Have you tried to do this and obtain buy-in to a revised vision? If not, please ask yourself why and pay very close attention to the answers that will be revealed. Wife not willing to buy-in? Ya need to find out why she won’t and, importantly, what things can be worked on so that she will but without you having to throw the baby out with the bath water or wind up totally assing yourself out in the process.

    All visions must include a disaster preparedness plan and with the hope it’ll never have to be implemented and “We’ll deal with it if and when we have to” ain’t the smart way to deal with this, which is why all visions include contingency plans, just in case the worst-case scenario ever shows up because, as you well know, Murphy’s Law says and has proven time and time again that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong… and now it’s all about what to do when it does.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Currently, I do have a disaster preparedness plan that I don’t mention, and I’m doing my best not to throw that baby out.

      And I most certainly would rather be pleasantly fucked…
      …just saying.


  2. Catch 22 springs to mind; confidence to be you creates confidence. Can I ask; who are you wishing to impress more, yourself or others? Happiness comes from being honest and real (to yourself not for the sake of others). Be happy being you first. Just my opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I truly appreciate your opinion. Logically, I know you are correct, but my emotions have surely gotten in the way. This has been a process for me, but I’m making progress.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting.


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