I’m feeling alone tonight.
Truly, I have been doing a damned good job this week being positive and stepping outside my comfort zone. Tonight, I went out and about near my hotel in Madrid, but it became obvious how lonely I felt. There were so many people dining out together and I am here all alone.
It made me feel torn. Torn between giving up my job and trying another effort at fixing my failed relationship, knowing full well the toxicity is destroying me inside out, and giving up on the relationship and looking for someone new, fun and interesting. There was such a romantic feel to everything I saw this evening, that I felt my stomach become heavy, my heart sinking, and just feeling desperate to have someone love me.
I wanted to feel playful, flirty, giddy, and fun. I wanted to be able to explore this new place WITH someone. But my mind kept going back to negativity and it kind of pissed me off tonight, because I have kept a positive attitude all week long.
I came back to my hotel room, so as not to do anything stupid or act out of any pulsivity, even though I’m dying to let loose a little and have fun.