So, the last few days I have been lamenting about my life and how I feel about myself, and I really don’t care for that. But, I also feel like understanding where you are at is important to becoming a better version of yourself – you need a starting point and I feel like I need to find some solid ground to begin that starting point. I want a transformation, and I want to change so many things about myself, but I think I have discovered something much more important that needs to change: The ability to love myself.
I discussed in a post yesterday a need for self-love – or rather, trying to understand how I can find self-love. I had a very nice reader suggest a book titled, “Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance“, and it looks like I can download it to my Kindle for only $11.99. Not bad for therapy, if you ask me. Well, looking at the book (I downloaded a sample) and it seems very action oriented – i.e. not just advice, but it directly encourages you to DO things. I get excited about things like this, because I am the kind of person that I need to put ideas into motion, before I spend too much time thinking about these ideas and working myself into an anxious panic attack about how I can’t possibly do things.
One thing I noticed, however, is that this is focused on women and girls. And for some reason, the idea of me being “beautiful” seems like something I might enjoy. I am male; although I’ve mentioned before that I get mistaken for a girl at times, I have always felt that I have a bit of a dual nature to my personality. In other words, I think there are things about me that are distinctly masculine, but I also enjoy some of the things that appeal to a feminine stereotype. In this, I feel drawn to this book, and I want to know what it would feel like to be “beautiful”. In a way, I hope this is something that assists me in accepting myself, as I am. I have always wondered what it would be like to release my inner self and allow it to be my truth. I enjoy my masculinity, but I don’t want to be ashamed of my femininity either.
Regardless of all of this, I can’t help but think any step I take towards loving myself more, is the place I need to go. I mentioned in another postanother post that I have no idea what aspect of my life needs the most critical attention, but I think it boils down to the fact that nothing else matters, unless I love who I am. I need to find THAT, before anything else.
Self-love is vitally important.