So, I’m making an effort to get myself right – at least in my own mind. But I keep running into a road block over and over again. I want to be happy, healthy, content, satisfied, etc., etc. But I have forgotten how to be those things. I make small changes to get where I’d like to be, but then I resort to habits that are not healthy for me physically, mentally or emotionally. I hate it and it’s frustrating, because I am having a hard damn time being accountable to myself and I don’t have enough people in my real life that are willing to take the time to hold me to these standards – and I feel like I need that right now.
I’ve always been a go-getter when it comes to setting goals, but now I develop a bit of a “I don’t care attitude”, and it conflict with waking up and realizing I DO care. I see the problem is that I don’t know what things to tackle first, I don’t know if I should even bother trying, because it feels overwhelming to deal with all of the particular issues in my head and mind. I was really beginning to make some strides, when I decided to squash my last blog. But here I am a couple weeks from that time and I have reverted back to some major ugly habits (okay, maybe they aren’t as bad as other people’s, but they feel horrendous to me).
So, I’m going to do something I don’t normally do: Ask for help. I’m not sure how many of you know all of the various issues I’m referring to, but some of you are quite aware from following my last blog. I don’t even know how to define all of the problems, which ones need to take the highest priority and which ones can be worked on over time. Any thoughts and advice any of you are willing to give me, I’ll take. Also, I’d love someone to hold me accountable. I really want to change and I really need to change.