Ego is an interesting personality characteristic. It is sensitive to so many things – criticisms and compliments can be the most problematic. It’s always easy to accept a compliment that aligns with a positive image you have of yourself. Obviously that builds ego in a positive direction for the person receiving it. Although, there can also be a point where compliments builds the ego so much that the ego goes overboard and the ego ventures into arrogance and conceit. Likewise, criticisms can have a similar effect when the person hears a criticism that aligns with the negative feelings they have about themselves. This can have a detrimental effect, causing a person to question his or her worth as a human being.
I’m not going to give a dissertation on the topic, but I wanted to introduce it because I am dealing with something today that is the opposite of how I feel about myself. I hate my writing ability. I don’t seem myself as a good writer, although I have fantasized at different times in my life that I somehow become a write that everyone wants to read. The reality, is that I don’t see myself as creative, interesting or even worthwhile to read. But I have often had people compliment me, and I tend to have the same reaction: “Yeah, right?!?!?! Have you actually bothered to read my vapid topics?” Some of you have complimented me, and I’m thankful, but I don’t see it the way others do, I guess. I’ve had people suggest I attempt to write erotica, fictional stories, short stories, any sort of auto-biographical rendition, etc. But I simply can’t see myself in that role.
Well, today, I received an email from a group asking me if I would be interested in writing for them. I don’t want to divulge who it is, just yet. I don’t know who they are, but that doesn’t mean they are not widely popular, because I’m not the most trendy and in-the-know person around. I simply know the world around me and that is difficult enough. But I have been invited to write, and even told I can feature things from my personal blog, as well. The thought of my writing appealing to people enough to feature me in their online publications, seems like an overwhelming thing to me. And more interesting is that I’ve been asked to write in the lifestyle section of their blog. My reaction, although filled with immense gratitude to be considered, is fearful and apprehensive (That’s the anxiety, I know it is).
I’m not so sure what to think or do about this, but I have responded to their email. I’m going to consider this possibility and see what might come of it. Maybe it’ll be something great and maybe it won’t, but I don’t want to reject it – much like the fear of rejection that I already have for myself.
I just wanted to share this.