Last night, I sank to an incredibly low point in my mind. It was horrible and I hated every physiological effect it was having on me. I don’t want to delve into all of the details of my mind last night, but a lot of you might have noticed how dark and horrible my thoughts were without me divulging. The truth of the matter is that I was feeling exactly opposite of how I want to feel (Is that the understatement of the year or what?). But I went to sleep last night, and I woke up and felt something different. I felt action. I rolled out of bed and did some calisthenics – something I have not done in a long time. And it felt good.
After I did the calisthenics, I did something else I haven’t done in a long time, I allowed myself to look at my situation objectively and honestly. I had a revelation hit me. Although, I have mentioned it before, but I allow myself to be a victim of my situation. I am a fan of the Dr. Phil show and I have heard him say on the show, many times, “There are no victims, only volunteers”. This expresses the same sentiment of another common expression, “No one can make you feel bad about yourself, unless you give them permission.”
And then it hit me. I don’t just give permission, I roll the red-fucking-carpet out for people – especially anyone I am intimately connected with. Furthermore, I don’t just roll out the red carpet, I make it an invitation-only exclusive affair with no cover-charge and make promises of the most enchanting evening in my mind and heart. This is not healthy (Another understatement?). Well, I think it is time I pull that red carpet in and expect people to ask to be invited, or rather, have a great security staff to throw toxicity out on it’s tactless ass.
I appreciate so many of you in so many ways, it is impossible for me to express my gratitude sufficiently. I feel like I have thrown a lot of crap out there and so many of you have listened and offered advice – those that were connected to my last blog, saw so much and have chosen to be a part of this one too. And I am thankful to be making new connections on this blog, as well. So, “Thank you!” ❤