I had dinner with my boss tonight. He wanted to discuss plans for training, since I am in a prominent position with company. The plan is to send me to Spain for a couple of weeks and then to the U.K. for a week. I’m so incredibly nervous, for several reasons, but the major one is that I don’t know how my wife will react. I’m somewhat terrified to tell her, because she and I are on rocky ground right now and this has the potential of putting us in divorce.
She is rarely happy for me when good things happen for me. It reminds me about the day I graduated college. I had attended an engineering school for about 4 years and didn’t graduate, but after meeting her and beginning a family I felt it was important to return. I graduated and had a great job set up before I graduated. My extended family through a party to celebrate and I spent time visiting with my friends and classmates. This angered my wife and we argued about it that night at home. I remember it like it was yesterday.
She expressed that I was spending all of my time with my friends and none of it with her (that’s not exactly true, but it is certainly how she felt). I disagreed with her and she responded that if I wanted them, then I “should go fuck them”. Unfortunately, I had a sharp tongue and said little to de-escalate the situation and responded with, “Fucking them will be more fun.”
That resulted in her punching me in the face two times. I stood there and took it. I didn’t react to the violence, I shut down my emotions and sat on the couch. She hit me repeatedly in the head and told me to get out. Again, I refused to do anything. She ordered me out again, and then pulled a knife out and threw it at me. Thankfully, it hit the couch, missing my leg. She went into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. I stayed sitting on the couch wide awake the rest of the night.
That was over 13 years ago, but I remember it like yesterday. Things like this come to my mind any time I have to tell my wife something I know she won’t like. I am baffled by the fact that I used to arrest people for committing domestic violence, but I could not stand up for myself.
And yet, I continue to run…